|
|
teacher
A school teacher was having a problem with constapation,
but she told her class not to worry she would work it out with
a ... |
1 |
6 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/14/2009 9:23 pm |
|
|
Stuttering
A teacher is explaining biogy to her 1st grade studets.
"Human beings are the only animalsthat stutter"
She says.
A little girl raises her hand.
" I had a kitty-cat who ... |
2 |
11 |
1 |
2.40 |
7/27/2009 3:19 pm |
|
|
If they can make you laugh.....
Of all the traits people list as necessary for their eventual mate... humor is always near
the top of the list. You have kindness, honesty and usually within the top ... |
0 |
9 |
2 |
4.50 |
12/19/2008 4:27 am |
|
|
Too Young 4 ME
How do you know when someone is too immature for you? I know
that age is SOMETIMES only a # but when the other person is
"acting" their age --- What do you do????? When they text you 20 times a day ... |
4 |
23 |
6 |
2.80 |
11/22/2008 7:49 am |
|
|
Make her laugh - success is almost guaranteed
In a recent poll, women listed "a great sense of humor" very high on the list of attractive qualities in men. In fact they had it listed higher than looks. But this is very understandable in one ... |
0 |
15 |
3 |
4.90 |
11/20/2008 4:04 am |
|
|
gringas
There was a bus load of women two decks high going for a field
trip. The top side had the gringas and the bottom side had
the latinas. The latinas were haveing a great time down
the road laughing ... |
0 |
8 |
0 |
0.00 |
10/22/2008 5:54 pm |
|
|
dime
A mexican put 50cents in the coke machine and they were selling
for 60 cents. The machine told him "dime" please
and the mexican whispered to the machine una ... |
0 |
3 |
0 |
0.00 |
10/18/2008 5:13 pm |
|
|
FELICIDAD
FELICIDAD Para ser feliz con un hombre, tienes que entenderlo mucho
y quererlo un poquito. Para ser feliz con una mujer, tienes que quererla un montón
y no intentar entenderla. ... |
0 |
9 |
2 |
3.81 |
4/25/2008 6:10 pm |
|
|
MATEMATICA DEL ROMANCE
MATEMATICA DEL ROMANCE
Hombre inteligente + mujer inteligente = Romance Hombre inteligente + mujer tonta = Aventura Hombre tonto + mujer inteligente = Matrimonio Hombre tonto + mujer ... |
0 |
5 |
1 |
2.40 |
4/25/2008 6:08 pm |
|
|
Mexico viva la revolucion
They found a cure for VD in Mexico, It is called no palito,
You can find this cacti in the deserts of sonora. Tasts real
good with scrabled eggs and red ... |
0 |
15 |
1 |
2.40 |
4/3/2008 7:57 pm |
|
|
yankees
Yankees developed a generic form of viagra. Don't
try this at home unless supervised by a ethno pharmacists.
One part asprin and two parts miracle ... |
0 |
2 |
0 |
0.00 |
3/28/2008 9:01 pm |
|
|
Gulf
When I go golfing I always bring 2 pairs of pants in case I
put a hole in ... |
0 |
4 |
1 |
1.10 |
3/1/2008 7:54 pm |
|
|
!! KEEP DIGGING !!
!! MOM, MOM, WHY DAD IS SO PALE?? SHUT UP SON, AND KEEP DIGGING ... |
0 |
9 |
4 |
2.47 |
2/26/2008 10:47 am |
|
|
What does a baby and cake has in common?
The baby and cake are made with eggs and ... |
0 |
16 |
3 |
2.45 |
2/13/2008 11:23 pm |
|
|
cheeze
Swiss like swiss cheese, Americans like american cheese,
Mexicans like che ... |
0 |
23 |
2 |
3.81 |
9/3/2007 9:28 pm |
|
|
My Flight from Denver
MY GIRL, I had a very pleasant dream last night... Enjoy this fantasy.
With the help of American Airlines Special Services Department
at Denver International Airport, I arranged for lotsa ... |
1 |
35 |
6 |
5.07 |
7/7/2007 5:28 pm |
|
|
The truth about men
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the
washing machine?"
... |
1 |
33 |
5 |
3.14 |
7/6/2007 5:08 pm |
|
|
stinker
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
Something in the middle ... |
0 |
15 |
1 |
5.00 |
7/3/2007 6:43 pm |
|
|
The Handy Man
The grumbling husband comes home from work. They wife meekly
says "Honey, the refrigerator is sounding funny,
could you take a look at it?" They husband replied
"What do I look like, the Matag man?" ... |
2 |
68 |
16 |
5.19 |
7/3/2007 3:55 pm |
|
|
Got Gas
Why is it everyone makes fun of a big bowl of refried beans,
and nobody says nothing about white ... |
0 |
23 |
2 |
2.42 |
6/8/2007 6:15 pm |
|
|
Meet You in Heaven
After a long illness, a woman died and
arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for
Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet ... |
1 |
49 |
6 |
5.36 |
5/1/2007 11:49 am |
|
|
What a Woman Wants in a Man
What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age
22) ----------------------------------- 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. ... |
4 |
73 |
22 |
5.53 |
5/1/2007 11:47 am |
|
|
Mr. Right Rejection Form Letter
Dear (____rejectee's name here____
),
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from
further contention as my Mr. Right.
As you are probably aware, the ... |
3 |
42 |
9 |
5.14 |
5/1/2007 11:46 am |
|
|
Newlyweds...
On the first morning of a honeymoon, a young husband got
up and took breakfast to his wife. “There, ” he said. “What
do you think of that?” She gazed at the coffee, bacon, eggs
and toast laid on the ... |
2 |
46 |
11 |
3.92 |
4/29/2007 11:14 pm |
|
|
Marriage
After being married for 20 years... One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed
in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up, " she purred, "and you can
do anything you want." So he tied her ... |
1 |
54 |
13 |
5.49 |
4/29/2007 10:58 pm |
|
|
Gender Items
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but
you can always see right through them. SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears
useful for a wide variety of work, it spends ... |
0 |
24 |
5 |
4.77 |
4/29/2007 10:53 pm |
|
|
little mouse
This young black kid was sitting by the road playing with
a mouse and he was telling the mouse that this was not his
lucky day because he was going to cut his tail off.
A police officer saw the ... |
0 |
32 |
5 |
1.84 |
4/4/2007 9:28 pm |
|
|
esquela
Their were some 5th graders being asked by their teacher
to use the word FASCINATE in a sentence. She asked a little blonde girl so She said, "We went
to disney land and I was so fascinated with ... |
7 |
186 |
33 |
0.00 |
3/12/2007 8:07 pm |
|
|
If it sounds too good to be true...
You may of heard the expression warning, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." I am here to say that this is true with relationships! If you are thinking I am being paranoid, best of ... |
4 |
44 |
9 |
3.00 |
2/15/2007 9:16 am |
|
|
Before and After
Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating
Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month
Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After - ... |
0 |
21 |
3 |
4.41 |
1/27/2007 2:42 pm |
|
|
quo-vo
who said mexicans are simple?
This old man from Texas wanted to make a garden in his back
yard, but he was getting to old for the task/.
He remembered His nefiew Vetho from the ... |
2 |
181 |
21 |
0.53 |
1/22/2007 7:50 pm |
|
|
A Blonde's Year in Review
[hopefully no one who is blonde takes this to heart!]
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too
tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print ...
|
4 |
44 |
8 |
3.48 |
1/9/2007 8:10 am |
|
|
Word Play
I'm sitting here fighting off a cold that hit me like
a Mack truck...and got this in an e-mail and I actually cracked
a grin! Enjoy.
VOCABULARY SPIN
For those who love the ... |
2 |
55 |
9 |
4.07 |
1/7/2007 1:35 pm |
|
|
See How They Mock My Profession: Disorder in the Court
I've heard really weird things, and not just out of
the witnesses; you can believe the lawyers have been equally
ridiculous! Start the New Year with an ability to "laugh
at yourself" and nothing ... |
0 |
10 |
1 |
2.40 |
1/1/2007 9:39 am |
|
|
Abbott & Costello and the Computer
It's New Year's Eve - let's start the new year
with laughter and keep on laughing throughout! It's
good medicine. Happy New Year everyone.
If Abbott and Costello were alive today, You ... |
0 |
9 |
2 |
3.81 |
12/31/2006 3:35 pm |
|
|
liver
The teacher asked the class to make a sentence using LIVER
and CHEESE
The little white girl said I made a sandwich with liver and
cheese and it was delicious."
The little ... |
1 |
41 |
8 |
1.39 |
12/2/2006 7:04 pm |
|
|
Pearls of Wisdom (or Not?)
Groucho Marx:
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge
of anatomy.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
There's one way to find out if a ... |
0 |
30 |
6 |
2.80 |
11/11/2006 9:43 am |
|
|
How Many Windows Do You Have Open
This 86 year old man (we'll call him Sam) got himself
a computer. Sam was a widower and since his wife died had
been spending a lot of his pension money on long distance
calls to his children ... |
0 |
26 |
7 |
2.02 |
11/10/2006 5:45 pm |
|
|
The big game hunter.
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone
about his hunting skills.
The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute
that.
But then he said ... |
0 |
24 |
5 |
2.82 |
11/5/2006 5:17 am |
|
|
The old lady and the bank president.
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning
with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account
and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because,
she said, ... |
1 |
24 |
2 |
2.42 |
11/5/2006 4:47 am |
|
|
The Diet
An extremely obese woman shows up at her doctor's office
crying and claims that she has tried every possible way
to lose weight, all to no avail. She continues to sob,
"My husband won't ... |
1 |
34 |
3 |
1.47 |
11/5/2006 4:18 am |
|
|
Abbott and Costello Discover Computers
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello,
and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate
this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our
computers, ... |
1 |
17 |
1 |
3.70 |
11/5/2006 3:46 am |
|
|
Computers - Male or Female - "Le" o "La"?
The French (or Spanish) Lesson
A language teacher was explaining to her class
that in Spanish, nouns unlike their English counterparts
are grammatically ... |
5 |
92 |
16 |
2.39 |
10/12/2006 12:54 am |
|
|
Things We Can Learn From Dogs
1. never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride
2. allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your
face to be pure ecstasy
3. when loved ones come home, always run ... |
0 |
25 |
3 |
2.94 |
10/8/2006 1:25 pm |
|
|
nuns
These two nuns were walking to the convent when they noticed
a man following them, Sister logic said let us run fast so
He can't catch us. But it ended up that the man was still
ganing on them. ... |
1 |
91 |
13 |
2.64 |
10/6/2006 6:12 pm |
|
|
don't like
A man was walking along this steep cliff, when he slipped
and started falling down the hill. He yelled oh God oh God.
And suddenly this little bush caught his fall, but then
the bush started ... |
1 |
23 |
2 |
1.73 |
10/6/2006 6:05 pm |
|
|
The Putt
A father, son and grandson go out to the country club for
their
weekly round of golf. Just as they reach the first tee, a
beautiful
young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approaches ... |
1 |
23 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/30/2006 10:29 pm |
|
|
Dogs letters to God
Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one another?
Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the
same old story?
... |
1 |
10 |
0 |
0.00 |
9/30/2006 10:27 pm |
|
|
Old guys have the hots too!
An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl
in a bikini - "I want to feel your breasts" he
exclaimed. "Get away from me, you crazy old man"
she replied. "I want to feel your ... |
0 |
28 |
2 |
2.42 |
9/30/2006 1:25 am |
|
|
having a bad day?
Things Got Ya Down?
Well Then, ConsiderThese
................................
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always
died
in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about ... |
0 |
21 |
3 |
4.90 |
9/7/2006 12:53 pm |
|
|
girl pregnant
A twenty-one-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed
her
>>period for two months. Very worried, the mother
goes to the
>>drugstore and buys a test kit.
>>The test result shows that ... |
0 |
43 |
7 |
4.06 |
9/7/2006 12:50 pm |
|
|
true man
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in; he realizes it's
a gay bar
"But what the heck, " he says to himself, "I
really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he ... |
0 |
31 |
8 |
3.94 |
9/7/2006 12:48 pm |
|
|
oil change
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 ... |
0 |
26 |
2 |
5.20 |
9/7/2006 12:47 pm |
|
|
nude beach
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the
women have
boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask ... |
0 |
38 |
4 |
4.80 |
9/7/2006 12:46 pm |
|
|
Doctor's orders
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his
office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering
from a very severe disease, ... |
2 |
94 |
14 |
4.26 |
8/28/2006 8:38 pm |
|
|
Be careful what you wish for..
One day three guys were out walking, and they found a lamp.
So, they rubbed the lamp and a genie popped out. He says "I'll
grant you each one wish." These guys weren't
so bright, so they all ... |
0 |
67 |
7 |
3.04 |
8/28/2006 8:36 pm |
|
|
Marriage fact's
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman
listens.
* In the second year, the woman ... |
1 |
52 |
7 |
3.04 |
8/25/2006 12:47 pm |
|
|
WHY !!!
These are cute enjoy.
Why do we press harder on a remote control
when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on"insufficient funds"
... |
2 |
62 |
6 |
2.80 |
8/25/2006 12:46 pm |
|
|
A Father's Terror
Dear Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have
been
remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness
in not
... |
0 |
14 |
0 |
0.00 |
8/25/2006 12:44 pm |
|
|
What's in a name?
A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look
on his face.
'Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm'?
'Because he was conceived during a mighty storm',
she said.
... |
0 |
23 |
2 |
2.42 |
8/18/2006 11:28 pm |
|
|
The stud and the princess
There was a stud that had made love to all the young ladies
in the kingdom, except for the princess, a gorgeous brunette.
He decided that he just had to have her, so he made a plan and
went to the ... |
0 |
21 |
0 |
0.00 |
8/17/2006 6:13 pm |
|
|
Chinese Proverbs
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
... |
0 |
16 |
0 |
0.00 |
8/16/2006 11:38 pm |
|
|
Women and Titties
Women with big tits ...
..can get a taxi on the worst days
..have men give them the best seats on a bus.
..have a neat place to carry spare change
..have ... |
0 |
25 |
2 |
1.73 |
8/16/2006 11:33 pm |
|
|
studerer
This professor was talking to his students and told them
that man is the only animal that studers their is none other.
A 7 year old girl told him she saw this cat studer one time.
She saw this ... |
1 |
48 |
6 |
3.65 |
8/16/2006 8:29 pm |
|
|
Yodeling
Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains
of
Switzerland.
Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere ... |
1 |
50 |
11 |
3.92 |
8/11/2006 12:35 pm |
|
|
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Hold onto you nuts this is no ordinary blow ... |
0 |
51 |
2 |
0.00 |
8/5/2006 1:43 pm |
|
|
salesman
A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing
he needed a
> haircut before the next day's meeting, he called
down to the desk
clerk
> to ask if there was a barber on the premises. ... |
0 |
62 |
7 |
3.04 |
8/3/2006 12:43 pm |
|
|
Cruise disaster
A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were
faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise,
then later question each one on the other's behavior.
... |
0 |
53 |
5 |
5.10 |
8/2/2006 5:50 pm |
|
|
My last business trip
I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely
so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised
in phone booths when your calling for a cab.
I grabbed ... |
0 |
52 |
4 |
4.80 |
8/2/2006 5:37 pm |
|
|
Little Johnny
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the play
ground and go into the woods.
Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane
in a"Passionate Embrace."
... |
0 |
41 |
2 |
5.20 |
8/2/2006 5:31 pm |
|
|
Santa
A beautiful youngish girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she
puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives,
climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks.
He is ... |
0 |
37 |
3 |
5.39 |
8/2/2006 7:02 am |
|
|
A new kind of Mass
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting
nervous on ... |
0 |
26 |
2 |
3.12 |
8/2/2006 1:24 am |
|
|
Drunk joke
A man walks into a bar and sees a $1000 bill taped to the mirror
behind the bar.
"What's the $1000 bill for?", he asks the
bartender.
"That's for anybody who can do 3 things, "
he says.
... |
0 |
37 |
5 |
5.10 |
8/2/2006 1:17 am |
|
|
Cannibal Restaurant
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon
a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat
hungry he sat down and looked over the menu...
Broiled Missionary: $10.00 ... |
0 |
22 |
2 |
5.20 |
8/1/2006 6:03 pm |
|
|
A big ol' redneck.
A big ol' redneck from Phoenix, Arizona, walked into
his local bar with a
big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asked the bartender.
"Well, ... |
0 |
22 |
2 |
5.20 |
8/1/2006 12:01 pm |
|
|
Definately a woman's viewpoint
Yes or no?
Doesn't this say it all?
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while
taking a bath.
"Mum, " he asked, "are ... |
0 |
27 |
4 |
4.80 |
8/1/2006 11:36 am |
|
|
Joe buys a motorcycle
Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn’t have much luck
until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a For Sale sign
on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although
it is 10 years ... |
0 |
25 |
3 |
5.39 |
8/1/2006 11:21 am |
|
|
chinese names
> > Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
> > Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
> >
> >
> > Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
> >
> >
> > Operator: You are talking to ... |
1 |
73 |
10 |
4.78 |
7/31/2006 2:04 pm |
|
|
husband
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs
> > > for her husband.
> > > Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> > > "Careful, " he said, "CAREFUL!
Put in some more
> ... |
0 |
35 |
5 |
5.10 |
7/31/2006 2:02 pm |
|
|
A funny joke combined with a true story for a good laugh.
Firstly if you manage to get a woman to click on your message
there's a 10 or 15
message dance before SHE will only call YOU.
Once your on the phone you can use your charm and the BIG ... |
3 |
89 |
7 |
3.80 |
7/29/2006 12:22 am |
|
|
Rooster and owl
>What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?
A cock that stays up all night!
... |
0 |
29 |
5 |
3.80 |
7/26/2006 3:27 pm |
|
|
PIG WITH WOODEN LEG
There was a tourist on a farm and he asked the farmer why one
pig had a wooden leg. The farmer said, ''That pig
is the bravest pig I ever saw.'' ''So
why does he have a wooden leg?'' the tourist ... |
0 |
43 |
4 |
2.86 |
7/26/2006 3:26 pm |
|
|
TWO BROTHERS
>Two fraternity brothers decide to go sailing one afternoon
and become lost. After twenty hours with nothing to eat
or drink, one of them spots a lamp floating by. He picks it
up and a genie pops ... |
0 |
57 |
4 |
2.47 |
7/26/2006 3:25 pm |
|
|
LIFE
LIFE
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit
all day by the door of
our house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For
this, I will
give you a life span of ... |
0 |
38 |
5 |
3.80 |
7/26/2006 3:23 pm |
|
|
THE GREAT DEBATE
The Great Debate
>> >
>> > Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed
that all the
>> > Jews had to convert or leave Italy ..
>> >
>> > There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community,
so ...
|
0 |
33 |
3 |
4.41 |
7/26/2006 3:23 pm |
|
|
T-G-I-F
A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there
was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,
"T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, ... |
0 |
38 |
2 |
2.42 |
7/26/2006 3:21 pm |
|
|
SVEN AND OLE AT THE BEACH
Ole and Sven were having a holiday at the beach in Australia
on vacation, but they couldn't seem to make it with
any of the girls. So they asked the local lifeguard for some
advice."Mate, it's ... |
0 |
50 |
3 |
4.41 |
7/3/2006 9:23 am |
|
|
living wills
While I was watching the NFL playoff games one weekend,
my wife and
I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need
for
living wills. During the course of the conversation I told ... |
0 |
45 |
0 |
0.00 |
6/26/2006 11:28 am |
|
|
Teacher Arrested
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual,
later discovered to
>be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to
board a flight while
>in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a ... |
0 |
45 |
3 |
4.90 |
6/26/2006 11:26 am |
|
|
Mistaken Identity
A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun,
runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't
feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"
... |
0 |
34 |
1 |
0.00 |
6/26/2006 11:24 am |
|
|
Camoflauge Clothing
>There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked
like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt.
After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the
crew members asked ... |
0 |
31 |
1 |
1.10 |
6/26/2006 11:23 am |
|
|
Vacation
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
> > They were determined to
> >
> > make this a real vacation by not wearing anything
> > that would identify them as
> >
> > clergy. As ... |
4 |
153 |
21 |
4.98 |
6/14/2006 9:55 am |
|
|
El Vaquero and Chilito
El Vaquero (The Mexican Cowboy) and his Chihuahua, Chilito,
are camping in
the desert. He sets up their tent and both are soon asleep.
Some hours
later, El Vaquero wakes his faithful friend.
... |
0 |
40 |
4 |
3.63 |
6/14/2006 9:54 am |
|
|
9 Months Later
Nine months later
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded
up in Jack's
minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours,
they got caught ... |
0 |
35 |
3 |
4.41 |
6/14/2006 9:49 am |
|
|
Job Interview
An Italian, French and Indian went for a job interviewing
in England.
They were told that they must compose a sentence in English
with three main words: green, pink and yellow.
The Italian was ... |
0 |
30 |
0 |
0.00 |
6/14/2006 9:47 am |
|
|
Adios Wife!
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes,
crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.
On the third day, she sat ... |
0 |
46 |
3 |
5.39 |
5/28/2006 11:16 pm |
|
|
El primer beso
(Este poema NO es original. Lo vi en una placa hace mas de
2 decadas y aqui lo comparto con ustedes)
Recuerdo el dia
Recuerdo el lugar
Recuerdo la emocion que ... |
0 |
47 |
0 |
0.00 |
5/27/2006 11:04 pm |
|
|
Calling for help
Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for
you.
If ... |
0 |
76 |
4 |
3.63 |
5/12/2006 11:29 pm |
|
|
A JOKE A DAY WILL KEEP YOU HAPPY & GAY!
Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for
you.
... |
0 |
90 |
1 |
3.70 |
5/7/2006 9:13 am |
|
|
Watch Out if You Go Camping
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were in the desert. After they
got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe, look ... |
0 |
241 |
5 |
4.12 |
4/11/2006 2:42 am |
|
|
Who is the Man In the Photograph?
After a long night of making love the
young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed
a framed picture of a good looking man.
The guy began to worry and asked, "Is this your ... |
0 |
260 |
4 |
4.02 |
4/6/2006 2:16 am |
|
|
Mom... Which One Will I Marry ?
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen
in love and is going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring
over three women and you try and guess which one I'm ...
|
0 |
252 |
5 |
2.49 |
3/29/2006 11:33 pm |
|
|
Old Lady Loves Oranges
Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid and took all
the prostitutes to the police station. They were lined
up outside the station and took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in ... |
0 |
393 |
10 |
2.39 |
3/27/2006 12:54 am |
|
|
You Just Might Get What You Wish For
by
Denverhigh
A man walks into a bowling center with a full-grown ostrich
behind him, and says to the deskman, “I’ll have a pair of
lanes, three games for me and size ten shoes, ” and ... |
0 |
150 |
1 |
5.00 |
3/24/2006 10:03 pm |
|
|
Yes, Doctor. I Know what you're Doing.
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.
The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism
goes out the window. He immediately tells her to undress.
After she has ... |
29 |
1246 |
174 |
4.29 |
3/21/2006 1:17 pm |
|
|
Life Cycle is backwards!
I think the life cycle is all backwards . . . You should die
first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way.
You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day.
You get ... |
0 |
88 |
1 |
3.70 |
3/19/2006 10:58 pm |
|
|
True Story
Back just before the first Gulf war of 1990. I was on a track
vehicle with another soldier. We'd known each other
for a few years and knew each others girlfriends. Both of
us had turbulant ... |
0 |
156 |
4 |
3.63 |
3/18/2006 8:44 am |
|
|
Worst nightmare...
A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing,
when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.
Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in
love with a twenty-five-year-old ... |
0 |
133 |
3 |
5.39 |
3/15/2006 7:06 pm |
|
|
My Kitchen
One Tuesday evening, two confirmed bachelors were talking
when the conversation eventually drifted from sports
to politics, and then on to cooking.
The first guy said, "I got a cookbook ... |
0 |
128 |
3 |
5.39 |
3/15/2006 7:03 pm |
|
|
Drum Roll Please!
Q: What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
A: The man.
Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A: So they can think with an open mind.
Q: What can Life ... |
0 |
131 |
3 |
5.39 |
3/15/2006 7:00 pm |
|
|
Papa and Denver Shoot Moose!
Papa_Chubby and Denver High went on a shooting trip. Both
being very competitive they were determine to outperform
the other by shooting a larger moose. After shooting many
moose each, it was ... |
0 |
81 |
1 |
0.00 |
3/14/2006 10:00 pm |
|
|
Papa_Chubby and Denver High
Papa_Chubby and Denver High went on a hunting trip. Both
being very competitive they were determine to outperform
the other on getting a larger kill of moose. After having
each bagged a sizeable ... |
2 |
101 |
5 |
5.10 |
3/14/2006 7:04 am |
|
|
Its all about the numbers...
Financial analyst always compare thier findings to someother
criteria, past earnings, earning of competitors to make
a decision about where a company is compared to its past
and its competitors. ... |
0 |
43 |
2 |
4.50 |
3/14/2006 6:54 am |
|
|
Mistaken Identity
A drunk returning home, see's a nun hurrying down the
street and knocks her down. He then yells "you don't
feel so tough now, do you ... |
0 |
43 |
2 |
3.81 |
3/14/2006 6:51 am |
|
|
The Perfect Couple!
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After
a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their
life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas ... |
0 |
48 |
2 |
2.42 |
3/13/2006 11:54 pm |
|
|
A blonde going slow
A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver
in it.
"Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so
slowly?"
"Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 40, not ... |
0 |
50 |
3 |
3.43 |
3/13/2006 11:43 pm |
|
|
Are the lights on? Blondie?
A brunette is driving down the highway in a convertible
with a blonde passenger. The brunette knows that she's
speeding so she says to the blonde, "Look behind and
see if that's a cop car behind ... |
0 |
61 |
5 |
3.47 |
3/13/2006 11:33 pm |
|
|
New Rule to get Into Heaven
New Law to Enter Heaven:
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided
to change the admittance policy.
The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had
to ... |
0 |
57 |
1 |
5.00 |
3/12/2006 9:30 pm |
|
|
Sex or Golf?
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One
day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted,
they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly ... |
0 |
146 |
11 |
4.66 |
3/11/2006 2:29 am |
|
|
Cinco centavos for a Steak?
A man walked into a restaurant, went to the bar and ordered
a beer.
"Here you are, Senor. That'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at
the menu and asked, ... |
0 |
59 |
3 |
1.96 |
3/11/2006 2:21 am |
|
|
Wife cooks Huevos Rancheros
A wife was making a breakfast of Huevos Ranchero for her
husband.
<br>
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
<br>
"Careful Querida, " he said, "Careful
put in some ... |
0 |
87 |
6 |
3.93 |
2/23/2006 12:01 am |
|
|
Latino Cookies.
Latino Cookies.
<br>
251 Words
<br>
For all the Latinos out there or those who are lucky enough
to be married to a Latino, or even to be friends of Latinos.
This is for you, ... |
0 |
75 |
6 |
3.37 |
2/21/2006 10:20 pm |
|
|
The State's Dichotomy
The State is conflicted. It doesn't want to be a n exectutioner,
but has no problem being a gay dungeon master.
<br>
Emo ... |
2 |
165 |
5 |
1.84 |
2/18/2006 3:23 am |
|
|
Is Your Head Empty? 85 Words
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clear to the little students she
said,
<br>
"Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as ... |
0 |
94 |
3 |
4.41 |
2/12/2006 12:08 am |
|
|
Dont leave home without it
Make sure you have money to catch a ride home, and pay for
the meal..if you had a person do u this way you would tell
others to be ... |
4 |
181 |
8 |
0.00 |
2/9/2006 9:02 pm |
|
|
Why Does Your Hair Turn White.... 87 Words
Posted by
2/9/06
<br>
DenverColorado
<br>
Un dia una muchachita was sitting, watching her mama do
the dishes at the kitchen sink.
<br>
She noticed that her mama had ... |
0 |
124 |
2 |
3.81 |
2/9/2006 2:03 am |
|
|
What Does God Look Like?. . . . . . . 78 Words
78 Words
posted by
DenverColorado
<br>
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of
children. They were drawing and she would occasionally
walk around to see each child's ... |
0 |
277 |
20 |
2.61 |
2/7/2006 9:55 pm |
|
|
Was Jonah swallowed by a whale.... 109 Words
by
Denverhigh
<br>
A little girl said, "Yes, Senora Molina, Jonah was
swlloed by a whale and later he got out.
<br>
The teacher said, “It is physically impossible for a whale ... |
0 |
185 |
4 |
2.86 |
2/7/2006 12:19 am |
|
|
Cop Writes a Ticket.... 207 Words
Cop Writes a Ticket
by
Denverhigh 207 Words
<br>
I went to La Bufa, my favorite Mexican restaurant in Santa
Rosa, on fourth street for lunch the other day. I was only
in there ... |
0 |
297 |
4 |
0.92 |
2/6/2006 11:38 pm |
|
|
liver and cheese
School teacher asked the class if any one could make a sentence
with liver and cheese.
They asked Brenda, so she said, "My mother made some
sandwiches with liver and cheese."
Then they ... |
1 |
413 |
8 |
0.23 |
1/11/2006 6:22 pm |
|
|
smoking
Does smoking cause cancer or it is a dillusion of grandeur.
Most habitual smokers agree you will live up to 90 years
of age like their ... |
1 |
202 |
3 |
0.49 |
1/2/2006 6:22 pm |
|
|
Old man
This old man from Florida was having intimate problems
with his wife. He went to the doctor and bought some viagra.
He went home to see his wife and took his pills, but they got
stuck in his ... |
0 |
163 |
13 |
1.47 |
12/11/2005 7:06 pm |
|
|
blondy
Why do blondes like BMW cars? Because it is the easiest one
to ... |
3 |
283 |
11 |
1.48 |
12/4/2005 2:49 pm |
|
|
loan
If you loan a friend $10 and you never see him again. It was
well worth ... |
3 |
387 |
16 |
0.00 |
11/25/2005 8:50 pm |
|
|
Who wants a raise?
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do ... |
1 |
320 |
23 |
5.70 |
11/16/2005 11:13 pm |
|
|
Blonde Jokes
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their ... |
2 |
2022 |
14 |
0.90 |
11/9/2005 1:39 pm |
|
|
Husband and Wife fight...
A newly wed wife comes out of the shower when her hubby goes
up to her, touches her chest and says "If you firm this
up a bit you wouldn't need to keep using a bra."
She was so hurt she didn't ... |
1 |
488 |
10 |
4.98 |
11/7/2005 3:49 pm |
|
|
Accountant
A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one
evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old,
and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel
with my beautiful and ... |
0 |
453 |
11 |
4.85 |
11/3/2005 10:52 am |
|
|
Pharmacist
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event,
the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have
sex with him for ... |
0 |
788 |
50 |
6.71 |
11/3/2005 10:50 am |
|
|
Old hillbilly
A old Kentucky hillbilly once said, "Water is always
deeper where it ... |
0 |
666 |
14 |
0.00 |
10/13/2005 7:55 pm |
|
|
Irish lepercon
A lepercon once said, "You get freckles when you lie
alot, and get scars when you lie to your ... |
0 |
241 |
7 |
0.75 |
10/9/2005 8:36 pm |
|
|
gentlemen and shivilry
This young man was rolling down the highway, when he saw
a young damzel in distress.She was parked on the shoulder
waiting for help.
The young man pulled over and saw that she needed her tire ... |
0 |
401 |
2 |
1.04 |
9/25/2005 7:53 pm |
8455, 34 M
9/16/2005 10:01 am
15
Articles,
Score
0.0
|
|
If I Can Make You Smile Then I Got You
Humor is one of the most important things in a relationship.
The man or woman usually has more fun with the person who
has a sense of humor, rather then a body of steel. Have you
ever found ... |
3 |
2652 |
11 |
5.04 |
9/16/2005 10:01 am |
|
|
The Apartment
A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees
to spend the night with her for $500.
He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he tells
her that he does not have any cash with ... |
2 |
155 |
18 |
5.17 |
9/4/2005 7:15 am |
|
|
BEER, GAMBLING, GOLF, AND SEX
Now, see what I have been telling you
An old one, but still GOOD!
<br>
BEER, GAMBLING, GOLF, AND SEX
<br>
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by
a ... |
3 |
558 |
52 |
4.59 |
9/4/2005 7:14 am |
|
|
God save the Queen
Great Britain shows this ex-colony how it should be done:
Regarding the Russian submarine snarled in underwater
cables a couple of weeks ago.......By the time we cleared
all the bureaucratic ... |
0 |
74 |
4 |
1.69 |
9/4/2005 7:12 am |
|
|
Poker Face
Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally
dropped
some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed
Bill's
wife Sue wasn't wearing any ... |
0 |
53 |
5 |
5.10 |
9/4/2005 7:10 am |
|
|
Nick the Dragon Slayer
Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to
nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts,
but he knew the penalty for this would be death.
One day he revealed his secret desire ... |
1 |
204 |
14 |
4.90 |
9/4/2005 7:06 am |
|
|
monkey
y little monkey ... |
0 |
121 |
4 |
0.53 |
8/24/2005 10:52 am |
|
|
mushroom
School teacher in the 6th grade asked her students to make
a sentence using the word mushroom
The littlea blonde girl said I can do it. Then she said, We
put mushroom in our salad for lunch.
... |
1 |
277 |
11 |
0.18 |
8/14/2005 7:06 pm |
jcd76, 33 M
8/13/2005 10:14 am
1
Article,
Score
0.0
|
|
screw.....
Back when rock n roll was the thing, guys wore blue jeans
and leather jackets and girls wore skirts with puddles
on them. Jimmy went to pick up his Date at her house.... and
the Father open the ... |
0 |
42 |
1 |
3.70 |
8/13/2005 10:14 am |
|
|
IMMIGRATION
Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally through Immigration.
The
>Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all
the tests, except there is one
>more test. Unless you pass it you ... |
1 |
383 |
12 |
4.74 |
8/9/2005 10:43 pm |
|
|
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
Two prostitutes were riding around town
with a sign on top of their car which said:
" Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them
they'd either have ... |
0 |
335 |
11 |
5.04 |
8/9/2005 10:36 pm |
|
|
CLEVER ADVICES
DON'T...
...do everything today. Save some mistakes for tomorrow.
...itch all over. Learn to itch where you can scratch.
<br>
NEVER...
...put off untill tomorrow what you ... |
6 |
489 |
24 |
5.52 |
8/7/2005 4:12 am |
|
|
The use of foreign language
Little mouse: -Mammy, Who's saying something that
i don't understand at all?
Mother mouse: -Silent! It's our enemy. Don't
go out of our house. That dirty cat is threatening us.
Little ... |
0 |
171 |
6 |
0.00 |
8/6/2005 12:35 am |
|
|
BAPTIZING A DRUNK
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when
he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
<br>
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps
into ... |
2 |
1325 |
154 |
5.86 |
8/5/2005 4:32 pm |
|
|
Missouri Heat
How true this has been in Missouri for about the last 40 days
and 40 nights.
We are supposed to get a reprieve of the triple digit temps
for a few days then upper 90's again. I've never
seen so ... |
0 |
179 |
10 |
2.39 |
8/5/2005 4:23 pm |
|
|
Blond joke, sorta'
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his
way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there
for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey
bartender, you ... |
1 |
240 |
19 |
6.03 |
8/5/2005 4:20 pm |
|
|
Speaking French
It is amazing, just how two people who don' speak the
same language, can converse! Enjoy!
<br>
A furniture dealer, Bob from Kansas, decided that he wanted
to expand the line of ... |
2 |
523 |
42 |
6.47 |
8/5/2005 4:18 pm |
|
|
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED.......
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual headline)
I am assured that this is the transcript from a Californian
Newspaper!
Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting
her ... |
1 |
157 |
4 |
4.80 |
8/5/2005 4:16 pm |
|
|
MY BOSS: WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY...
LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL
WAKING UP
THAT MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY
WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!",
AND POSSIBLY HAVE A ... |
0 |
187 |
11 |
6.35 |
8/5/2005 4:14 pm |
|
|
VERY INTERESTING!!!!...
How To Impress A Woman:
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Support her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Listen to her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her, ...
|
3 |
245 |
14 |
4.58 |
8/5/2005 4:11 pm |
|
|
MEN.....
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing
among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present
of $5, 000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
<br>
... |
13 |
1479 |
197 |
5.68 |
8/5/2005 4:09 pm |
|
|
Finally,.....
Finally, the European Union has decided on an official
language
The European Commission has just announced an agreement
whereby English will be the official language of the European
Union ... |
0 |
136 |
2 |
5.20 |
8/5/2005 4:06 pm |
|
|
Newly Weds
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her
new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking
encounter. In his highly aroused state her husband readily
agreed. This scenario ... |
0 |
170 |
8 |
4.87 |
8/5/2005 4:05 pm |
|
|
Memorable wedding!
There are some things money can't buy, for everything
else there's MASTERCARD
<br>
Memorable wedding!
You gotta love this guy! This is a true story about a recent
wedding that took ... |
0 |
215 |
7 |
4.06 |
7/26/2005 4:53 pm |
|
|
Good For A Laugh
A boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what
is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go
ask your mother if she would ... |
0 |
179 |
7 |
4.31 |
7/26/2005 4:53 pm |
|
|
CIA Test
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background
checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three
finalists, two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents ... |
2 |
208 |
12 |
4.74 |
7/26/2005 4:51 pm |
|
|
The New Alphabet
The New Alphabet
A is for Apple, and B is for Boat,
That used to be right, But now it won't float!
Age before Beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
... |
0 |
490 |
3 |
3.43 |
7/26/2005 4:49 pm |
|
|
To all those who have had to deal with customers...
This is hilarious.
I wish I had the guts of this girl. For all of you out there
who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one
is for you.
An award should go to the United Airlines ... |
1 |
225 |
4 |
3.25 |
7/26/2005 4:48 pm |
|
|
Smart Redneck
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Arkansas recently
with two
ice chests of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its
fishing.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license ...
|
0 |
91 |
2 |
2.42 |
7/26/2005 4:45 pm |
|
|
Young blonde
A young blonde woman decides to try horseback riding, even
though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts
the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs
into action. As ... |
0 |
86 |
4 |
3.25 |
7/26/2005 4:44 pm |
|
|
ME MUDDER
When me prayers were poorly said,
Who tucked me in me widdle bed,
And spanked me till me arse was red,
<br>
Me Mudder!
<br>
Who took me from me cozy cot
And put ... |
1 |
282 |
3 |
3.43 |
7/23/2005 7:43 am |
|
|
MEN
1. Men are like .......Laxatives ..... They irritate the
shit out of you.
<br>
2. Men are like .......Bananas ..... The older they get,
the less firm they are.
<br>
3. Men ... |
0 |
458 |
24 |
4.49 |
7/23/2005 7:42 am |
|
|
New Truck
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw
his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled
up to him with a wide grin.
"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"
"Bobby ... |
0 |
534 |
2 |
3.81 |
7/23/2005 7:41 am |
|
|
Jumping On The Bed
A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and
squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while
and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you
look? What's the matter ... |
0 |
1223 |
3 |
4.41 |
7/23/2005 7:40 am |
|
|
CONDOM SHORTAGE IN RUSSIA
George Bush received a call from Russian President Putin.
He says to Bush, "Our largest condom factory has exploded.
They are my people's favorite form of birth control.
This is a true ... |
2 |
359 |
29 |
6.55 |
7/21/2005 2:24 pm |
|
|
New medical procedure !!!
A woman was in a coma.
She had been in it for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of
them was washing her "private area" and noticed
that there was a slight response ... |
0 |
185 |
9 |
4.49 |
7/21/2005 2:21 pm |
|
|
A couple at a stock show
Ok, there's a man and woman at a stock show where they
show off cattle and stuff. Well the wife walks up to a bull
and it says "mated 50 times last years." The
wife told the husband, "Hey, You ... |
0 |
267 |
2 |
2.42 |
7/16/2005 4:49 pm |
|
|
Stranded
Once upon a time there were these beautiful deserted islands
in the middle of nowhere where the following people are
stranded:
<br>
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and ... |
0 |
221 |
1 |
2.40 |
7/16/2005 4:47 pm |
|
|
Why Computer Games Are Better Than Sex
1. Your computer does not get offended if you claim to "be
too tired" or to "have a headache".
<br>
2. If a game is going badly, you can always leave it, come
back later, and have ... |
0 |
247 |
1 |
3.70 |
7/16/2005 4:42 pm |
|
|
30 Harsh Things a woman can say to a naked man
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on ... |
0 |
138 |
2 |
2.42 |
7/16/2005 4:40 pm |
|
|
RULES THAT GUYS WISHED WOMEN KNEW
1. Crying is blackmail.
2. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with
it.
5. Get rid of your cat. ... |
1 |
224 |
19 |
5.50 |
7/16/2005 4:37 pm |
|
|
"The drunk and the "black lady"
It began the music and a drunk got up swaying and he went to
one "black lady" and he asked:
- Hic... does Madam, give me the pleasure of that dance?
And he heard the following answer:
- ... |
0 |
214 |
0 |
0.00 |
7/16/2005 3:05 pm |
|
|
golf
A lady and her caddy were playing golf.
The lady made a comment that she got bit by a bee.
The caddy replied, where did you get bit.
The lady responded that somewhere between the first ... |
0 |
331 |
0 |
0.00 |
7/10/2005 4:53 pm |
|
|
TWENTY SPECIAL "SOUTHERNISMS"
1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between
a hissie fit and a conniption and that you don't "HAVE"
them, -- you "PITCH" them.
2. Only a true Southerner knows how much any fish, ... |
0 |
286 |
5 |
0.86 |
7/9/2005 10:45 am |
|
|
Some Great Answers to That Stupid Question "Why aren't you married yet?"
You haven't asked yet.
<br>
I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
<br>
What? And spoil my great sex life?
<br>
Because I just love hearing this ... |
2 |
499 |
10 |
2.99 |
7/7/2005 4:23 pm |
|
|
Love, Lust & Marriage
Love: When you take a bubble bath together
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-O together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath
<br>
Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two
... |
2 |
401 |
5 |
1.84 |
7/7/2005 4:21 pm |
|
|
What Every Man Expects in a Wife...
What Every Man Expects in a Wife:
<br>
She will always be beautiful and cheerful.
She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.
She will have hair that never needs curlers or ... |
0 |
232 |
5 |
1.84 |
7/7/2005 4:20 pm |
|
|
Seven Ages of the Married Cold
-1st year -- The husband says, "Oh, sweetie pie, I'm
really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's
no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's
been going around. ... |
0 |
191 |
2 |
2.42 |
7/7/2005 4:15 pm |
|
|
COLONOSCOPIES
A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients
made while he was performing colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where
no man has gone before."
2. "Find ... |
1 |
368 |
3 |
1.47 |
7/4/2005 8:58 am |
|
|
The Eulogy
The Eulogy
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband
died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, ... |
0 |
492 |
7 |
2.53 |
7/4/2005 8:58 am |
|
|
If Men Were In Charge of Planning Weddings....
If Men Were In Charge of Planning Weddings....
<br>
There would be less "Oh Promise Me" and "Endless
Love, " and more "Louie, Louie" and "Mony
Mony".
<br>
There would be a ... |
0 |
245 |
4 |
3.25 |
7/3/2005 3:12 pm |
|
|
THE LOVE DRESS.
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently
married couple's house.
She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house.
She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
... |
0 |
362 |
18 |
4.49 |
7/3/2005 3:10 pm |
|
|
Lady's what's the best thing about going to a Nudist wedding?
It's obvious who the best man ... |
0 |
1230 |
3 |
2.94 |
7/2/2005 11:49 pm |
|
|
STUPID
A man came home early from work and found his wife having
sex with their neighbor. The husband yelled "what
the heck do are you doing?"
The wife turned to thr neighbor and said "See. I told
you ... |
0 |
300 |
5 |
1.84 |
7/2/2005 11:45 pm |
|
|
Did You Know?
In a recent poll, American men and women were asked if they
would marry the same person if they had it to do all over again.
80% of the men responded that they would marry the same woman.
50% of ... |
0 |
237 |
3 |
2.45 |
6/29/2005 3:48 pm |
|
|
Dictionary of Dating
ATTRACTION: the act of associating horniness with a particular
person.
<br>
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT: what occurs when two extremely horny,
but not entirely choosy people meet.
<br>
... |
0 |
197 |
6 |
2.51 |
6/23/2005 4:28 pm |
|
|
Robbery of credit card
The wife of a man stole her credit card, but her husband decided
not to do the accusation because the thief was spending
less than his ... |
0 |
166 |
1 |
0.00 |
6/22/2005 10:53 am |
|
|
The marital happiness
-A man complained a friend: "I had every things...
money, a beautiful house, a car imported, the love of a beautiful
woman, and of blow it ended !
<br>
-The friend asks him: "What ... |
0 |
308 |
1 |
1.10 |
6/22/2005 10:51 am |
|
|
Notice to obtain Wife
-A man put a notice in classified and it said: "I NEED
A WIFE".
<br>
The following day received hundreds of letters. All they
said the same thing:" YOU CAN CARRY MY ... |
0 |
105 |
6 |
1.94 |
6/22/2005 10:49 am |
|
|
Marital dialogues
-After a fight, a wife told her husband: "You Know,
I was a fool when I married with you".
<br>
-And the husband responded: "If Dear wife, but I was
lover and I did not ... |
0 |
176 |
3 |
1.96 |
6/22/2005 10:47 am |
|
|
Knowing the woman
-A boy asks his father: "Dad, is true that in some countries
of Africa the man does not know his woman until already he
is married?" And the father responds: "That passes in all the countries, ... |
0 |
201 |
4 |
2.47 |
6/22/2005 10:45 am |
|
|
Cost of the marriage
-A boy asks him al father: "Dad, how much costs to be
married?" <br>
- The father, after directing a look to his wife responds:
" I do Not know son, because I am paying ... |
0 |
138 |
5 |
3.14 |
6/22/2005 10:43 am |
|
|
NEVER ASK SOMETHING FOR WHICH will have to be EXCUSED
A lady enters to a pharmacy and ask the pharmacist :
-Please, I want to buy arsenic.
Given that the arsenic is very toxic and fatal, the pharmacist
wanted to know more data before providing ... |
0 |
233 |
3 |
2.94 |
6/22/2005 10:41 am |
|
|
You differentiate among adventure, relationships and marriage
Adventure: When its tongues are found in a full room.
Relationships: When their looks are found in a full room.
Marriage: When their children are lost in a full room.
<br>
... |
0 |
376 |
2 |
2.42 |
6/22/2005 10:38 am |
|
|
Fidelity
- I am married since 20 years ago and always I was lover of
the same woman.
-That seems me admirable.
-Also somewhat dangerous. As soon as my woman be informed
kills ... |
0 |
257 |
3 |
1.96 |
6/22/2005 10:36 am |
|
|
Definition of the marriage
1. A virgin less.
2. Only sentence to life in prison that is canceled for badly
behavior.
3. Situation in which any woman obtains what expected,
and no man expects what obtains.
4. ... |
0 |
231 |
6 |
3.08 |
6/22/2005 10:34 am |
|
|
Flavor by the women
A friend tells to another:
- ¡How curious!, before I liked all the women without exception,
now I like all women, except ... |
0 |
164 |
4 |
2.86 |
6/22/2005 10:33 am |
|
|
The treatment of the wife
Wife: I want have a treatment to put my husband as a bull!
<br>
Doctor: Of course. Take out your clothes, please. We will
begin with the horns ... |
0 |
230 |
3 |
2.45 |
6/22/2005 10:30 am |
|
|
Singing Lessons
Heyyyy! why you close the windows of your house each time
that his wife begins to practice his lessons of singing?
<br>
<br>
-So that the neighbors are not thinking that I am ... |
0 |
470 |
3 |
0.00 |
6/22/2005 10:27 am |
|
|
jealousy
The wife tells her husband:
I am tired of your jealousy. Do you believe that I have not
realized that a handsome, high detective follow me, with
pretty eyes and a little timid, ... |
0 |
345 |
4 |
0.92 |
6/22/2005 10:23 am |
|
|
Update...(smile)
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you
can get the milk for free."
Here's an update for you......
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize its not ... |
0 |
179 |
12 |
4.57 |
6/18/2005 10:39 am |
|
|
Senior Chips - Seduce Your Spouse
Secretly replace his Centrum Silver with Viagra.
Light a few candles and put on some romantic music --then
dress up like "Matlock."
Sensuous Aspercreme rubdowns.
Shout lewd suggestions into ... |
0 |
153 |
4 |
5.19 |
6/18/2005 10:38 am |
|
|
BIBLE TRUTHS...
God, grant me the Serenity to accept the people I cannot
change, the courage to change the one I can, and the Wisdom
to know it's me.
The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just ... |
0 |
258 |
5 |
1.19 |
6/15/2005 2:22 pm |
|
|
Lone ranger...
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After
they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe,
look ... |
0 |
250 |
13 |
3.14 |
6/15/2005 2:21 pm |
|
|
Nuns on the run
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the taxi, and the cab
driver won't
stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't
want to ... |
0 |
200 |
5 |
2.82 |
6/15/2005 2:20 pm |
|
|
Don't mess with Children
7 reasons not to mess with a child
<br>
A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.
<br>
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale
to swallow a ... |
0 |
322 |
5 |
4.12 |
6/15/2005 2:17 pm |
|
|
Having a Bad Day?
Having a Bad Day?.... Well, then, consider this......
<br>
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always
died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.
m., regardless ... |
0 |
300 |
4 |
3.63 |
6/15/2005 2:12 pm |
|
|
After a long illness
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates
of Heaven.
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked
through the Gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table. ... |
0 |
691 |
74 |
4.60 |
6/15/2005 2:10 pm |
|
|
Mom's Last Laugh
Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of
the pew where I sat. I was at the funeral of my dearest friend
- my mother. She finally had lost her long battle with cancer.
The hurt was so ... |
0 |
248 |
0 |
0.00 |
6/10/2005 9:36 am |
|
|
Ball game
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband
is
at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding
in
the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she
hid her
... |
0 |
246 |
4 |
5.57 |
6/10/2005 9:09 am |
|
|
Good things.......
Love is grand;
divorce is a hundred grand.
*************************
<br>
I am in shape.
Round is a shape.
<br>
*************************
<br>
Time may be a ... |
0 |
104 |
1 |
5.00 |
6/10/2005 9:08 am |
|
|
Decalogue of the perfect male
1. It's masculine to walk on hot stones
2. It's masculine drive with an arm supported in a window
3. It's masculine to have our shorts on the floor of
our room
4. It's masculine to have ... |
0 |
101 |
1 |
3.70 |
6/9/2005 10:05 pm |
|
|
THE TOAD AND THE FEMALE COMPANY
Alone and desperate by enjoying female company, a toad
decides call by phone of clairvoyance, for know that bring
his future.
The clairvoyant sentence:
-you Are going to know a beautiful ... |
0 |
298 |
1 |
3.70 |
5/29/2005 1:18 am |
|
|
The Clock and the liars
A Man in the sky. He sees clocks that mark the hour of the countries
of the world. All with different hours.
<br>
-¿Why each clock marks a different hour?
<br>
-Each clock ... |
0 |
183 |
1 |
3.70 |
5/29/2005 1:17 am |
|
|
THE CURATIVE POWER OF THE LAUGHTER
The humor serves to alleviate the pain and to promote the
healing is serious thing for a growing number of doctors
and other professionals of the health.
<br>
All we know it well that ... |
0 |
163 |
1 |
2.40 |
5/28/2005 3:19 pm |
|
|
The better years
- Why you want to leave me?. After I have given you the better
years of my life!,
Anthony:
-Exactly: before the worst ... |
0 |
120 |
4 |
1.30 |
5/26/2005 10:02 am |
|
|
The loan
-I Am destroyed and desperate, John.
<br>
-I need a hundred dollars and I do not know to whom to ask it.
<br>
-¡Less badly! For a moment I believed that you would come
to ask ... |
0 |
132 |
2 |
2.42 |
5/26/2005 9:59 am |
|
|
CLASS OF RELIGION AND MORAL
In his first appointment a man asks his companion if he desires
to take a cup.
-¡Oh not! That I will say in my class of religion and moral?
<br>
-It responded she later, he offers ... |
0 |
64 |
2 |
2.42 |
5/26/2005 9:55 am |
|
|
Humorous reflections
They form the perfect couple: she is diabetic and he is an
embittered.
<br>
The margarita has always a petal of reserve for the desperate
cases.
<br>
I am in a so delicate ... |
0 |
87 |
2 |
2.42 |
5/26/2005 9:38 am |
|
|
"Tie me up"
The other day I came home and was greeted by my wife, dressed
only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short
velvet ropes.
"Tie me up, " she purred, "and you can
do anything you ... |
0 |
134 |
4 |
3.63 |
5/25/2005 7:14 pm |
|
|
What do you want?
A reporter often interviewed famous people. But they were
very busy people and often they had told their secretaries
not to interrupt them. The reporter imagined a trick which
would persuade the ... |
0 |
235 |
6 |
2.80 |
5/17/2005 10:15 pm |
|
|
FROM REAL CHURCH BULLETINS:
. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
<br>
. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the ... |
0 |
299 |
13 |
1.47 |
5/17/2005 10:04 pm |
|
|
You're A Man...And I'm A Woman...
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It's
a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly
neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars,
the woman says, ... |
6 |
1730 |
211 |
4.66 |
5/17/2005 9:53 pm |
|
|
POOR BETTY..
THREE OLD LADIES NAMED GERTRUDE, MAUDE, AND BETTY WERE
SITTING ON A
PARK BENCH IN CORONA DEL MAR HAVING A CONVERSATION, WHEN
A FLASHER APPROACHED FROM ACROSS THE PARK.
THE FLASHER CAME UP TO ... |
0 |
291 |
6 |
3.37 |
5/17/2005 9:41 pm |
|
|
You know you are living in 2005 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
<br>
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in
years.
<br>
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your ... |
1 |
207 |
11 |
2.98 |
5/15/2005 1:12 pm |
|
|
Maude & Mable
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a
drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies
pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette,
and ... |
0 |
143 |
5 |
2.49 |
5/15/2005 1:08 pm |
|
|
Flying to Frankfurt
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered
lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location
but how to get there without any assistance from them. So
it was ... |
0 |
315 |
8 |
0.93 |
5/6/2005 8:15 pm |
|
|
Phone keeps ringing
Phone Won't Stop Ringing?
Here's What You Do
Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone
problem. But unlike most people she did something about
it.
The brand-new $10 million ... |
2 |
396 |
7 |
2.02 |
5/6/2005 8:12 pm |
|
|
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age,
weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That
is why you pay him/her.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. ...
|
0 |
268 |
17 |
5.11 |
5/5/2005 10:41 am |
|
|
Why ARE Men Happier?
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such
simple
creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just
another
... |
0 |
87 |
7 |
4.82 |
5/5/2005 10:40 am |
|
|
"SANTA,Does.ALFONSO.flirt.w/every.pretty.girl.he.sees?"
Tiffany was riding SANTA's pony when she asked SANTA
about "ALFONSO" who had the inside of his ears
poka-dot-tattooed by a Brazillian ho who fed him Rum &
Tequila in her cat's food dish, and he ... |
1 |
126 |
2 |
1.73 |
5/4/2005 7:37 pm |
|
|
U.S. Air Force pilot
I have a friend who flew Lear Jets for the U.S. Air Force.
He would occasionally be assigned to an air show where one
of his tasks was answering questions about his plane. Someone
would always ... |
0 |
38 |
4 |
1.30 |
5/1/2005 10:19 am |
|
|
Bank robber stealing
LOS ANGELES TIMES, December 9:
A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and
handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand
in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the ... |
1 |
84 |
3 |
4.41 |
5/1/2005 10:18 am |
|
|
At a distressed city
Los Angeles Times, November 24:
Banning, Blythe and Barstow no longer qualify as "distressed"
cities under federal guidelines, nor do Adelanto, Lake
Elsinore, or Loma Linda.
But Beverly Hills ... |
0 |
66 |
0 |
0.00 |
5/1/2005 10:17 am |
|
|
Lenin's silver ruble
In 1967, the Soviet Government minted a beautiful silver
ruble with Lenin in a very familiar pose - arms raised above
him, leading the country to revolution. But, it was clear
to everybody, that ... |
0 |
38 |
0 |
0.00 |
5/1/2005 10:16 am |
|
|
Brezhnev at his speech
Brezhnev, a former ruler of Russia, was thought not to be
too bright. He comes to address a big Communist party meeting,
and starts:
"Dear Comrade Imperialists, "
The whole hall perked up - ... |
0 |
48 |
0 |
0.00 |
5/1/2005 10:15 am |
|
|
Earthquake at a bank
The city of Whittier, California was founded many years
ago, mainly by Quakers. There is a prominent sign composed
of large, brass letters on one of the financial institutions
in that community ... |
0 |
69 |
0 |
0.00 |
5/1/2005 10:14 am |
|
|
Monkey travels in space
Monkey travels in space
LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8:
One of the passengers in a Soviet spacecraft is fooling
around with the equipment, and his monkeyshines may end
the flight prematurely. The ... |
0 |
57 |
0 |
0.00 |
5/1/2005 10:13 am |
|
|
Unanswered Questions
1. Can you cry under water?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have ... |
0 |
54 |
1 |
5.00 |
5/1/2005 10:11 am |
|
|
My fellow Voters.....
MY FELLOW VOTERS -- WE'RE IN WORSE TROUBLE THAN WE EVER
IMAGINED!
<br>
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate
agent which direction was north because, he explained, ... |
0 |
128 |
1 |
3.70 |
5/1/2005 10:06 am |
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chuckles
1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
an
impressive new book. It's called: "Ministers
Do More Than Lay
People." <br>
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, ... |
0 |
711 |
1 |
5.00 |
5/1/2005 10:03 am |
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The Notes....
I've never had notes pinned to my pillow when I've
been sick...... have you?
Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu. (Pinned
to pillow by her well-meaning husband).
<br>
... |
0 |
114 |
0 |
0.00 |
5/1/2005 10:01 am |
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Don't Try to Outsmart a Woman
Don't Try to Outsmart a Woman
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all
of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, ... |
1 |
158 |
9 |
3.64 |
4/30/2005 6:15 am |
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Downtown
A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter.
He asks her to "go downtown" so, with a sigh,
she gets on her knees in front of him and starts peering at
his genitals, looking and tipping ... |
0 |
70 |
1 |
5.00 |
4/30/2005 6:14 am |
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Phone company's errors
Phone Company Gives Something for Nothing
<br>
Dear Ann,
<br>
I think I can top the person who wrote complaining about
the idiocy of the phone company. Talk about garbage in, ... |
0 |
128 |
1 |
1.10 |
4/29/2005 4:44 pm |
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Writing letters to son
One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working
and sleeping.
Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home
until he received the following note:
"Dear Son, Your mother and ... |
0 |
70 |
1 |
1.10 |
4/29/2005 4:43 pm |
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|
This dog loves people
A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates
United Parcel Service drivers.
While walk Psil one day, around the corner of a house came
a UPS man.
Struggling to keep hold of Psil, ... |
0 |
118 |
1 |
1.10 |
4/29/2005 4:42 pm |
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Did you understand me?
Working at a theater box-office ticket window poses many
challenges in dealing with people.
When a disgruntled customer at a window exclaimed, "No
Tickets?" What do you mean NO TICKETS?"
The ... |
0 |
43 |
1 |
1.10 |
4/29/2005 4:41 pm |
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Find out about the cat
A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on
rides.
During one trip, the driver droped her at a mall before he
gasing up. The cat remained in the car, laying down on the
top of ... |
0 |
62 |
2 |
1.04 |
4/29/2005 4:40 pm |
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Converting to metric
This last weekend I was reminded at the pace we are converting
to metric. I was on I-75 in Ohio when I saw a sign that said:
All signs metric
Next 20 ... |
0 |
112 |
3 |
0.49 |
4/29/2005 4:38 pm |
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Flowers
So this woman and her husband have this really bad fight.
He goes off to work the next day without talking to
her but she doesn't care. She is busy doing her thing
around the house. All of the ... |
0 |
70 |
3 |
0.98 |
4/29/2005 4:27 pm |
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Beware of drunken bears
LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8:
People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be
on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies
have been congregating along the tracks of the ... |
0 |
46 |
2 |
3.12 |
4/28/2005 10:44 am |
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Unpaid parking tickets
Chicago Tribune
William P. Holcomb, whose job is to supervise the tracking
down of Houston, Texas parking ticket violators. It was
revealed that he had 375 unpaid ... |
0 |
44 |
2 |
3.12 |
4/28/2005 10:43 am |
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Stop credit card fraud
Many folks have written with perfectly plausible explanations
about why merchants take my phone number on a credit card
charge. What these fail to address, however, is that if
I'm perpetrating a ... |
0 |
27 |
2 |
3.12 |
4/28/2005 10:39 am |
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Newspaper typing error
The following appeared on the back page of one of Australia's
more outrageous computer publications, "Computing
Australia", 21st Sept 1987: ... Blame it on the computer.
An unfriendly computer has ... |
0 |
110 |
2 |
2.42 |
4/28/2005 10:37 am |
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Shooting your computer
GILLETTE RESIDENT IS ARRESTED AFTER SHOOTING HIS COMPUTER
<br>
PASSAIC TWP. -- A Gillette man was arrested at his home last
Thursday night after he fired eight bullets at his home ... |
0 |
27 |
1 |
1.10 |
4/28/2005 10:35 am |
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Strange grants given
LOS ANGELES TIMES, September 14:
According to a database maintained by Academic Guidance
Services, there are 3, 000 scholarships earmarked for
golf caddies, newspaper carriers, glee clubbers, and ... |
0 |
26 |
1 |
1.10 |
4/28/2005 10:31 am |
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Fortune cookie mistake
Fortune cookie mistake
On Saturday last, I had dinner at a local Chinese restaurant.
My fortune read:
"You will gain admiration from your pears."
Comice? Bartlett? Canned? I don't grow or eat ... |
0 |
122 |
1 |
2.40 |
4/26/2005 6:51 am |
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Call us for assistance
Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available,
an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a Rochester hospital
emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital
and barely managing to ... |
0 |
246 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/26/2005 6:50 am |
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Drinking and driving
The "Environmental Engineering News" published
some rather sobering information about punishment for
drunk driving convictions in other countries.
In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are ... |
1 |
90 |
3 |
3.92 |
4/26/2005 6:49 am |
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Begin emergency landing
According to "The Australian, " an airliner
recently encountered severe vibration in flight.
<br>
The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched
on the seat belt sign.
... |
0 |
99 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/26/2005 6:48 am |
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Flying to Frankfurt
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included,
besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird,
surprising, or funny.
<br>
The German controllers at Frankfurt ... |
0 |
1067 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/26/2005 6:47 am |
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the Bible means
A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly,
"I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled
and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know'
what the Bible means?" The son replied, ... |
0 |
55 |
1 |
3.70 |
4/25/2005 8:52 pm |
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circled
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large
city because he was short of time and couldn't find
a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield
wiper that read: "I have ... |
0 |
93 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:50 pm |
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two kinds of people
"Somebody has well said that there are only two kinds
of people in the world - there are those who wake up in the
morning and say, "Good morning, Lord, " and
there are those who wake up in the ... |
0 |
31 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:47 pm |
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|
Somebody once....
Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying
to enforce 10 ... |
0 |
257 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:45 pm |
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People....
People want the front of the bus; back of the church and center
of ... |
0 |
74 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:43 pm |
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A minister waited in line........
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas
just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked
quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of
the service station. ... |
0 |
57 |
1 |
2.40 |
4/25/2005 8:42 pm |
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about God
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question,
"Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said
the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you ... |
0 |
35 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:38 pm |
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the story of a parson
There is the story of a parson who got up one Sunday and announced
to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building
program. ... |
0 |
322 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:36 pm |
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God makes......
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap
as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would
take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled
cheek. She was ... |
0 |
19 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:33 pm |
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|
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us.....
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service
at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother
with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally
got her son to sit still ... |
0 |
1145 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:31 pm |
|
|
Hell is full....
A college drama group presented a play in which one character
would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend
into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope,
the trapdoor would open, and ... |
0 |
116 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:27 pm |
|
|
no prayers
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell
me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" "No
sir, " little Johnny replies, "I don't
have to. My Mom is a good ... |
0 |
162 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:24 pm |
|
|
Pontius - the Pilot
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of
their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's
picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she
asked him which story it ... |
0 |
199 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:22 pm |
|
|
After the christening...
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little
Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally,
the boy replied, ... |
0 |
123 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:20 pm |
|
|
restless
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon
dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother
and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now,
will he let us ... |
0 |
145 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 8:18 pm |
|
|
Info for Green Thumbs...
A very beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't
seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking
a stroll she came upon a handsome gentleman neighbor who
had the most ... |
0 |
125 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 1:08 pm |
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|
Good Manners:
Good Manners:
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks
the
students, one by one:
-"Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with
a nice young lady,
how would you tell ... |
0 |
101 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/25/2005 1:05 pm |
|
|
Out of the mouths of Babes! Enjoy!
- A little child in church for the first time watched as the
ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the
pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone
could hear: "Don't ... |
0 |
87 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/24/2005 10:35 am |
|
|
babies
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother,
"Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today".
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep
her cool. "That's ... |
0 |
64 |
0 |
0.00 |
4/24/2005 10:32 am |
|
|
Finally a Male Blonde Joke
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange
noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find
his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says. "I'm ... |
0 |
329 |
5 |
4.45 |
4/23/2005 5:00 pm |
|
|
smiles...
When a teenage girl smiles at a boy, he tries to decide what
makes him so sexy.
When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns
around to
see who's the handsome dude behind him.
... |
0 |
126 |
2 |
5.20 |
4/22/2005 12:28 pm |
|
|
Picabo
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)
is not just an athlete....she is now a nurse currently working
at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is ... |
0 |
372 |
2 |
5.20 |
4/22/2005 12:26 pm |
|
|
Medical students
While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group
of medical students.
"As you can see, " she says, "the patient
limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.
Michael, ... |
0 |
140 |
2 |
5.20 |
4/22/2005 12:25 pm |
|
|
to forget
Two friends meet in a bar. One says to the other,
"I understand your wife has abandoned you. You must
be very sorry. I suggest you go home and drink a lot of beer
to forget your troubles." "I ... |
0 |
50 |
2 |
5.20 |
4/22/2005 12:23 pm |
|
|
a meeting
Scientists wanted to study a meeting between a man and a
female gorilla. They found a stupid man and asked him if
he would meet a female gorilla for $5, 000.
He said yes, but made three ... |
0 |
48 |
3 |
3.43 |
4/22/2005 12:22 pm |
|
|
new glasses
At the optician's, a customer asked,
"Are my new glasses ready?" "Yes sir, " replied the optician who was a pretty
girl. "Try them." He did and was satisfied. He said,
"I can see you very ... |
0 |
87 |
2 |
5.20 |
4/22/2005 12:20 pm |
