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Computers - Male or Female - "Le" o "La"? 5/21/2007
The French (or Spanish) Lesson
A language teacher was explaining to her class
that in Spanish, nouns unlike their English counterparts
are grammatically designated as
masculine or feminine. For example: "House"
in French, is feminine as "la maison."
"Pencil" in French, is masculine as "le
crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender ...
4 Comments, 92 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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Yes, Doctor. I Know what you're Doing. 4/24/2007
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.
The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism
goes out the window. He immediately tells her to undress.
After she has disrobed, he begins to stroke her thigh. As
he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what
I'm doing?"
"Yes, " she says, "you're checking
for any abrasions or dermatological ...
4 Comments, 1250 Views,
105 Votes
,6.43 Score
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CLEVER ADVICES 5/5/2006
DON'T...
...do everything today. Save some mistakes for tomorrow.
...itch all over. Learn to itch where you can scratch.
<br>
NEVER...
...put off untill tomorrow what you can't shove onto
someone else's desk.
...try to make people feel at home. If they wanted that,
they'd have stayed there.
THE BEST WAY TO...
...change a woman's mind is ...
4 Comments, 490 Views,
24 Votes
,5.52 Score
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teacher 9/8/2019
A school teacher was having a problem with constapation,
but she told her class not to worry she would work it out with
a pencil.
3 Comments, 61 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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A Blonde's Year in Review 11/23/2008
[hopefully no one who is blonde takes this to heart!]
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too
tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
labels..... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit
in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle
in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped ...
3 Comments, 46 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
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Dont leave home without it 6/4/2006
Make sure you have money to catch a ride home, and pay for
the meal..if you had a person do u this way you would tell
others to be ware!!!
3 Comments, 181 Views,
6 Votes
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Too Young 4 ME 12/19/2008
How do you know when someone is too immature for you? I know
that age is SOMETIMES only a # but when the other person is
"acting" their age --- What do you do????? When they text you 20 times a day even when you don't
respond and even when you tell them to stop. When you haven't even been on a date, or kissed, or gotten
passed a hug and they are already "text stalking"!!
At this point age is no ...
2 Comments, 29 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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esquela 6/13/2007
Their were some 5th graders being asked by their teacher
to use the word FASCINATE in a sentence. She asked a little blonde girl so She said, "We went
to disney land and I was so fascinated with the whale. The teacher said wrong answer. She then asked Carlito and he said he knew how to say it, My
sister has big sheshe's and she can only FASCINATE
buttons on her blouse. Carlos got in big ...
2 Comments, 190 Views,
20 Votes
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WHY !!! 3/6/2007
These are cute enjoy.
Why do we press harder on a remote control
when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on"insufficient funds"
when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there
are four billion stars, but check when you say
the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue ...
2 Comments, 62 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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If I Can Make You Smile Then I Got You 2/24/2007
Humor is one of the most important things in a relationship.
The man or woman usually has more fun with the person who
has a sense of humor, rather then a body of steel. Have you
ever found yourself attracted to someone who just doesn't
fit your profile. You begin to ask yourself why. The answer
to that shouldn't be money or what he or she can do for
me, it should be because of the way he ...
2 Comments, 2652 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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Word Play 1/22/2007
I'm sitting here fighting off a cold that hit me like
a Mack truck...and got this in an e-mail and I actually cracked
a grin! Enjoy.
VOCABULARY SPIN
For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity....
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the
sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
...
2 Comments, 55 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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blondy 1/18/2007
Why do blondes like BMW cars? Because it is the easiest one
to spell.
2 Comments, 283 Views,
10 Votes
,1.39 Score
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Papa_Chubby and Denver High 3/15/2006
Papa_Chubby and Denver High went on a hunting trip. Both
being very competitive they were determine to outperform
the other on getting a larger kill of moose. After having
each bagged a sizeable kill, it was impossible to tell who
had the bigger kill based on antler size or weight. They
went to the rendezvous point where they were to be picked
up.
The pilot of thier plane on ...
2 Comments, 101 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
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Got Gas 3/27/2013
Why is it everyone makes fun of a big bowl of refried beans,
and nobody says nothing about white milk?
1 Comments, 34 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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Stuttering 9/4/2009
A teacher is explaining biogy to her 1st grade studets.
"Human beings are the only animalsthat stutter"
She says.
A little girl raises her hand.
" I had a kitty-cat who stuttered" she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precios some of these stories
could become, asked the girl to describe the inciden.
"well" she began , "I was in the back yard ...
1 Comments, 34 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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What a Woman Wants in a Man 11/22/2008
What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age
22) ----------------------------------- 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32) ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
16 Votes
,6.36 Score
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Newlyweds... 11/22/2008
On the first morning of a honeymoon, a young husband got
up and took breakfast to his wife. “There, ” he said. “What
do you think of that?” She gazed at the coffee, bacon, eggs
and toast laid on the tray. “Wonderful, ” she said. “Yes, ”
he said, “and that’s how I want it every morning from now
on!”
1 Comments, 56 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
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Mr. Right Rejection Form Letter 7/11/2008
Dear (____rejectee's name here____
),
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from
further contention as my Mr. Right.
As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly
tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as
yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however,
keep your name on file should an opening become available. ...
1 Comments, 42 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
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quo-vo 6/11/2007
who said mexicans are simple?
This old man from Texas wanted to make a garden in his back
yard, but he was getting to old for the task/.
He remembered His nefiew Vetho from the pinta
(prison) would always help him with chores.
He decided to write a letter to vetho, and asked him if he
could help
Vetho responded with do not dig up the back yard ...
1 Comments, 182 Views,
17 Votes
,1.29 Score
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Marriage fact's 3/6/2007
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman
listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely
an
...
1 Comments, 52 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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don't like 3/6/2007
A man was walking along this steep cliff, when he slipped
and started falling down the hill. He yelled oh God oh God.
And suddenly this little bush caught his fall, but then
the bush started coming out by the roots and then he asked
God why me God Why me. I pay my taxes I take care of my wife and
! There was a big cloud and a voice emenating from it
that said there is some thing about you ...
1 Comments, 23 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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nuns 3/6/2007
These two nuns were walking to the convent when they noticed
a man following them, Sister logic said let us run fast so
He can't catch us. But it ended up that the man was still
ganing on them. Then sister mathematics said lets seperate
and then he will only be able to catch one of us. So that is
what they did and the man went after sister logic. At the
end of the day they both made it to ...
1 Comments, 91 Views,
12 Votes
,2.62 Score
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liver 3/6/2007
The teacher asked the class to make a sentence using LIVER
and CHEESE
The little white girl said I made a sandwich with liver and
cheese and it was delicious."
The little black girl said: My daddy told my mom to get some
government cheese and she forgot, so daddy punched her
in the liver.
The mexican boy said, These men were going to violate her
sister and ...
1 Comments, 41 Views,
8 Votes
,1.39 Score
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loan 6/4/2006
If you loan a friend $10 and you never see him again. It was
well worth it.
1 Comments, 389 Views,
16 Votes
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My Flight from Denver 9/3/2009
MY GIRL, I had a very pleasant dream last night... Enjoy this fantasy.
With the help of American Airlines Special Services Department
at Denver International Airport, I arranged for lotsa roses to be delivered to the
jet-bridge of my flight from Denver to LAX.
Before departing from Denver, I was escorted into the cockpit
by Special Services, Denver, and I asked the Captain to ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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Meet You in Heaven 7/11/2008
After a long illness, a woman died and
arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for
Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were
her parents and all the other people she had loved and who
had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings
to her -- "Hello" "How are you! We've
been ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
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The truth about men 5/14/2008
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the
washing machine?"
"It depends, " I replied. "What does
it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Michigan " And they say blondes are dumb... ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Marriage 7/22/2007
After being married for 20 years... One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed
in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up, " she purred, "and you can
do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway,
and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted
at the top of her lungs "Honey, pack your bags. I won ...
0 Comments, 71 Views,
17 Votes
,5.39 Score
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The Handy Man 7/16/2007
The grumbling husband comes home from work. They wife meekly
says "Honey, the refrigerator is sounding funny,
could you take a look at it?" They husband replied
"What do I look like, the Matag man?"
Later than evening, the wife again meekly ask your husband
"Honey, the front porch needs some new boards, it's
about to fall I think. Could you please see if you can fix
it?" They husband ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
11 Votes
,6.16 Score
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studerer 8/17/2006
This professor was talking to his students and told them
that man is the only animal that studers their is none other.
A 7 year old girl told him she saw this cat studer one time.
She saw this cat jump across the neighbors fence and the
cat said,
FFFFFFFFF, fffffff, PHhffffffff, but it was to late by
the time the cat said freeaking dog, the pit bull ate him.
0 Comments, 49 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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