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Denverhigh 79 M
38  Articles
Yes, Doctor. I Know what you're Doing.   4/24/2007

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately tells her to undress. After she has disrobed, he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes, " she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological ...

29 Comments, 1250 Views, 105 Votes ,6.43 Score
majid 47 M
2  Articles
A lawyer married a woman....   6/23/2007

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software ...

24 Comments, 1781 Views, 293 Votes ,7.28 Score
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
esquela   6/13/2007

Their were some 5th graders being asked by their teacher to use the word FASCINATE in a sentence. She asked a little blonde girl so She said, "We went to disney land and I was so fascinated with the whale. The teacher said wrong answer. She then asked Carlito and he said he knew how to say it, My sister has big sheshe's and she can only FASCINATE buttons on her blouse. Carlos got in big ...

7 Comments, 190 Views, 20 Votes
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
teacher   11/6/2010

A school teacher was having a problem with constapation, but she told her class not to worry she would work it out with a pencil.

5 Comments, 50 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Computers - Male or Female - "Le" o "La"?   5/21/2007

The French (or Spanish) Lesson A language teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, nouns unlike their English counterparts are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. For example: "House" in French, is feminine as "la maison." "Pencil" in French, is masculine as "le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender ...

5 Comments, 92 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
windflower 32 F
3  Articles

DON'T... ...do everything today. Save some mistakes for tomorrow. ...itch all over. Learn to itch where you can scratch. <br> NEVER... ...put off untill tomorrow what you can't shove onto someone else's desk. ...try to make people feel at home. If they wanted that, they'd have stayed there. THE BEST WAY TO... ...change a woman's mind is ...

5 Comments, 490 Views, 24 Votes ,5.52 Score
Rebecca2323 40 F
1  Article
Too Young 4 ME   12/19/2008

How do you know when someone is too immature for you? I know that age is SOMETIMES only a # but when the other person is "acting" their age --- What do you do????? When they text you 20 times a day even when you don't respond and even when you tell them to stop. When you haven't even been on a date, or kissed, or gotten passed a hug and they are already "text stalking"!! At this point age is no ...

4 Comments, 29 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
A Blonde's Year in Review   11/23/2008

[hopefully no one who is blonde takes this to heart!]
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped ...

4 Comments, 46 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
Dutch07 43 M
7  Articles
What a Woman Wants in a Man   11/22/2008

What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22) ----------------------------------- 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32) ...

4 Comments, 75 Views, 16 Votes ,6.36 Score
Vacation   7/22/2007

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. > > They were determined to > > > > make this a real vacation by not wearing anything > > that would identify them as > > > > clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed > > for a store and bought some > > really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, > > sunglasses, etc . . . > > > > The next morning, they went to the beach, ...

4 Comments, 153 Views, 16 Votes ,5.48 Score
terryaki 63 M
10  Articles
If it sounds too good to be true...   4/4/2007

You may of heard the expression warning, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." I am here to say that this is true with relationships! If you are thinking I am being paranoid, best of luck with your relationship with that astronaut. At least you were warned!

4 Comments, 47 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
DomCouple010 48 F
3  Articles
Dont leave home without it   6/4/2006

Make sure you have money to catch a ride home, and pay for the meal..if you had a person do u this way you would tell others to be ware!!!

4 Comments, 181 Views, 6 Votes
Dutch07 43 M
7  Articles
Mr. Right Rejection Form Letter   7/11/2008

Dear (____rejectee's name here____ ),

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as my Mr. Right.

As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. ...

3 Comments, 42 Views, 9 Votes ,5.14 Score
8455 41 M
15  Articles
If I Can Make You Smile Then I Got You   2/24/2007

Humor is one of the most important things in a relationship. The man or woman usually has more fun with the person who has a sense of humor, rather then a body of steel. Have you ever found yourself attracted to someone who just doesn't fit your profile. You begin to ask yourself why. The answer to that shouldn't be money or what he or she can do for me, it should be because of the way he ...

3 Comments, 2652 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
blondy   1/18/2007

Why do blondes like BMW cars? Because it is the easiest one to spell.

3 Comments, 283 Views, 10 Votes ,1.39 Score
13  Articles
A funny joke combined with a true story for a good laugh.   8/17/2006

Firstly if you manage to get a woman to click on your message there's a 10 or 15 message dance before SHE will only call YOU.
Once your on the phone you can use your charm and the BIG MEET can be 5 to 10 calls away depending on your compatibility. However, before she if ever gives out her number you are at her mercy not even knowing if she will ever call again.
If you ...

3 Comments, 89 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
loan   6/4/2006

If you loan a friend $10 and you never see him again. It was well worth it.

3 Comments, 389 Views, 16 Votes
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
Got Gas   3/27/2013

Why is it everyone makes fun of a big bowl of refried beans, and nobody says nothing about white milk?

2 Comments, 28 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
mendivil1973 43 M
6  Articles
Stuttering   9/4/2009

A teacher is explaining biogy to her 1st grade studets.

"Human beings are the only animalsthat stutter" She says.

A little girl raises her hand.

" I had a kitty-cat who stuttered" she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precios some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the inciden.

"well" she began , "I was in the back yard ...

2 Comments, 30 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Patty6360 58 F
7  Articles
Newlyweds...   11/22/2008

On the first morning of a honeymoon, a young husband got up and took breakfast to his wife. “There, ” he said. “What do you think of that?” She gazed at the coffee, bacon, eggs and toast laid on the tray. “Wonderful, ” she said. “Yes, ” he said, “and that’s how I want it every morning from now on!”

2 Comments, 55 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
sinnerandsaint23 55 F
4  Articles
The Handy Man   7/16/2007

The grumbling husband comes home from work. They wife meekly says "Honey, the refrigerator is sounding funny, could you take a look at it?" They husband replied "What do I look like, the Matag man?"

Later than evening, the wife again meekly ask your husband "Honey, the front porch needs some new boards, it's about to fall I think. Could you please see if you can fix it?" They husband ...

2 Comments, 69 Views, 11 Votes ,6.16 Score
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
quo-vo   6/11/2007

who said mexicans are simple?
This old man from Texas wanted to make a garden in his back yard, but he was getting to old for the task/.
He remembered His nefiew Vetho from the pinta (prison) would always help him with chores.
He decided to write a letter to vetho, and asked him if he could help
Vetho responded with do not dig up the back yard ...

2 Comments, 182 Views, 17 Votes ,1.29 Score
hotpeppers58 56 M
13  Articles
WHY !!!   3/6/2007

These are cute enjoy.

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on"insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue ...

2 Comments, 62 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Word Play   1/22/2007

I'm sitting here fighting off a cold that hit me like a Mack truck...and got this in an e-mail and I actually cracked a grin! Enjoy.
For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity....

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

2 Comments, 55 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
papa_chubby 48 M
29  Articles
Papa_Chubby and Denver High   3/15/2006

Papa_Chubby and Denver High went on a hunting trip. Both being very competitive they were determine to outperform the other on getting a larger kill of moose. After having each bagged a sizeable kill, it was impossible to tell who had the bigger kill based on antler size or weight. They went to the rendezvous point where they were to be picked up.
The pilot of thier plane on ...

2 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
papa_chubby 48 M
29  Articles
The State's Dichotomy   2/27/2006

The State is conflicted. It doesn't want to be a n exectutioner, but has no problem being a gay dungeon master. <br> Emo Phillips

2 Comments, 165 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
letsplayin20055 51 M
3  Articles
Blonde Jokes   2/22/2006

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

2 Comments, 2025 Views, 15 Votes ,1.14 Score
Ten Commandments of Love   5/23/2005

I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt squeeze no others before me. II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth me behind my back. III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy. Or else. IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are too damn weird. V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily and making me embarrassed to be seen with thee. ...

2 Comments, 388 Views, 86 Votes ,3.69 Score
Appreciate The Differences   1/31/2005

I personally happen to be a guy. Therefore I am a sort of creature easily baffled by you other creatures who happen not to be guys. I admit freely that though I more often than not appreciate the differences, I only rarely actually understand them - and then it's usually by accident. It often seems that guys have a fundamentally far simpler and more direct approach to life. I ...

2 Comments, 66 Views, 15 Votes ,2.52 Score
Pickup lines here are some that work and some that dont!! decide yourself   1/23/2005

Pick up lines are on off the great mysteries of dating, there are many decisions on what line to use, when to use it and how to use it but none off these questions can i answer but i can give ya some pick up line idea's. Caution some of these lines arnt suitable for real life use. Do you have a mirror in your pants? [No, why?] Because I can see myself down there. Est-ce que tu parlez francais? ...

2 Comments, 91 Views, 15 Votes ,5.43 Score
How Can You Tell If Your Man Wants to Marry You in the Future? 7 Ways to Know It for Sure   9/16/2012

It can be very difficult to see where your future is headed, especially when you are attempting to determine the nature of the long term possibilities of your relationship. There are however a few things you can observe in your man's behavior that will help you understand his plans. Quality Vs. Quantity in Regards to Your Time With the development of a serious relationship, the man begins to ...

1 Comments, 35 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
TravelSpirit 56 M
18  Articles
If they can make you laugh.....   1/27/2011

Of all the traits people list as necessary for their eventual mate... humor is always near the top of the list. You have kindness, honesty and usually within the top three: a good sense of humor. Why is this? I think it is because the three listed above are the ones that endure with time. Even if your partner changes in both face and body, which they *will* ...

1 Comments, 16 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
biugmichael 59 M
1  Article
My Flight from Denver   9/3/2009

MY GIRL, I had a very pleasant dream last night... Enjoy this fantasy.

With the help of American Airlines Special Services Department at Denver International Airport, I arranged for lotsa roses to be delivered to the jet-bridge of my flight from Denver to LAX.

Before departing from Denver, I was escorted into the cockpit by Special Services, Denver, and I asked the Captain to ...

1 Comments, 37 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
Dutch07 43 M
7  Articles
Meet You in Heaven   7/11/2008

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her -- "Hello" "How are you! We've been ...

1 Comments, 53 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
sinnerandsaint23 55 F
4  Articles
The truth about men   5/14/2008

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends, " I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Michigan " And they say blondes are dumb... ...

1 Comments, 35 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Patty6360 58 F
7  Articles
Marriage   7/22/2007

After being married for 20 years... One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up, " she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs "Honey, pack your bags. I won ...

1 Comments, 71 Views, 17 Votes ,5.39 Score
hotpeppers58 56 M
13  Articles
Marriage fact's   3/6/2007

Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an ...

1 Comments, 52 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
RandyTeacher 48 M
11  Articles
Dogs letters to God   3/6/2007

Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God, When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We ...

1 Comments, 10 Views, 0 Votes
RandyTeacher 48 M
11  Articles
The Putt   3/6/2007

A father, son and grandson go out to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reach the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approaches them. She explains that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency which called him away and asks the trio whether she can join them.
Naturally, ...

1 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
don't like   3/6/2007

A man was walking along this steep cliff, when he slipped and started falling down the hill. He yelled oh God oh God. And suddenly this little bush caught his fall, but then the bush started coming out by the roots and then he asked God why me God Why me. I pay my taxes I take care of my wife and kids! There was a big cloud and a voice emenating from it that said there is some thing about ...

1 Comments, 23 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
nuns   3/6/2007

These two nuns were walking to the convent when they noticed a man following them, Sister logic said let us run fast so He can't catch us. But it ended up that the man was still ganing on them. Then sister mathematics said lets seperate and then he will only be able to catch one of us. So that is what they did and the man went after sister logic. At the end of the day they both made it to ...

1 Comments, 91 Views, 12 Votes ,2.62 Score
RandyTeacher 48 M
11  Articles
Abbott and Costello Discover Computers   3/6/2007

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT ...

1 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
RandyTeacher 48 M
11  Articles
The Diet   3/6/2007

An extremely obese woman shows up at her doctor's office crying and claims that she has tried every possible way to lose weight, all to no avail. She continues to sob,
"My husband won't make love to me any more. My friends make fun of me. Everywhere I go they tease me. I just can't take it any more!"
The doctor, hoping to help her, proposes a radical diet, ...

1 Comments, 34 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
RandyTeacher 48 M
11  Articles
The old lady and the bank president.   3/6/2007

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of ...

1 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
liver   3/6/2007

The teacher asked the class to make a sentence using LIVER and CHEESE
The little white girl said I made a sandwich with liver and cheese and it was delicious."
The little black girl said: My daddy told my mom to get some government cheese and she forgot, so daddy punched her in the liver.
The mexican boy said, These men were going to violate her sister and ...

1 Comments, 41 Views, 8 Votes ,1.39 Score
Yodeling   10/26/2006

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland.
Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. !
The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.
As the story goes, the farmer's ...

1 Comments, 50 Views, 10 Votes ,4.18 Score
chinese names   8/30/2006

> > Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? > > Operator : Yes, you can speak to me. > > > > > > Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! > > > > > > Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is > > this? > > > > > > Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to > > Annie Wan! It's urgent. > > > > > > Operator: I know you are someone and you want > > to talk to ...

1 Comments, 73 Views, 9 Votes ,4.92 Score
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
studerer   8/17/2006

This professor was talking to his students and told them that man is the only animal that studers their is none other. A 7 year old girl told him she saw this cat studer one time. She saw this cat jump across the neighbors fence and the cat said, FFFFFFFFF, fffffff, PHhffffffff, but it was to late by the time the cat said freeaking dog, the pit bull ate him.

1 Comments, 49 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
what does skin clour have to do with love??   2/28/2006

hi, My friend is a native american. She saw this guy in my school who was a white guy and she saw him and said he was cute. We all who are her friend went and asked the guy if she was pretty. He said yea, she's pretty. For few days we were making each other to talk but the both freaked and didn't. Cause they were shy. So one day we went to him and said you come and talk with her, he said ...

1 Comments, 77 Views, 17 Votes ,2.98 Score
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
smoking   2/22/2006

Does smoking cause cancer or it is a dillusion of grandeur. Most habitual smokers agree you will live up to 90 years of age like their grandparents

1 Comments, 202 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
liver and cheese   2/22/2006

School teacher asked the class if any one could make a sentence with liver and cheese. They asked Brenda, so she said, "My mother made some sandwiches with liver and cheese." Then they ask Marcos and he said he give it a try. He said, "Liver alone cheese mine.

1 Comments, 413 Views, 6 Votes ,0.80 Score
Mypurrogative 63 F
3  Articles
Who wants a raise?   12/2/2005

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: 1. I do physical labor. 2. I work at great depths. 3. I plunge head first into everything I do. 4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. 5. I work in a damp environment. 6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation. 7. I work in high temperatures. 8. My work exposes me to ...

1 Comments, 321 Views, 23 Votes ,5.70 Score
15  Articles
"SANTA,Does.ALFONSO.flirt.w/every.pretty.girl.he.sees?"   9/11/2005

Tiffany was riding SANTA's pony when she asked SANTA about "ALFONSO" who had the inside of his ears poka-dot-tattooed by a Brazillian ho who fed him Rum & Tequila in her cat's food dish, and he got drunk as skunk and passed out( and he was only a mouse). ALFONSO was shanghaied onto a Brazil banana & coffee boat; where he fell into a vat of(make 'em look like ...

1 Comments, 126 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
rollwflo 56 M
30  Articles
mushroom   9/7/2005

School teacher in the 6th grade asked her students to make a sentence using the word mushroom The littlea blonde girl said I can do it. Then she said, We put mushroom in our salad for lunch. The teacher asked the little mexican boy and he said he would give it a try. My dad said we could not have anyone sleeping over because we do not have mushroom.

1 Comments, 278 Views, 11 Votes ,0.18 Score
Mypurrogative 63 F
3  Articles
IMMIGRATION   9/7/2005

Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally through Immigration. The >Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one >more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the United States of >America. > >Mujibar said, "I am ready." > >The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Green, Pink and Yellow." > >Mujibar ...

1 Comments, 384 Views, 12 Votes ,4.74 Score
PELVAR2001 54 M
2098  Articles

1. Crying is blackmail. 2. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. 3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. 4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. 5. Get rid of your cat. 6. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in anargument.. 7. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 8. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neitherdo we. 9. You have ...

1 Comments, 224 Views, 19 Votes ,5.50 Score
Marketing and relationships   6/4/2005

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." <br> Well, here it is: You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a ...

1 Comments, 397 Views, 105 Votes ,7.37 Score
couple   1/21/2005

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

1 Comments, 124 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Only You!   1/21/2005

You turn me on, you handsome hunk With your sunken, hairless chest In your skinny white arms I feel safe from all harm Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! <br> Your beard is long and full of crumbs From all the fast food there you've dropped And with your big sloppy kiss, I know the meaning of bliss Oh stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

1 Comments, 136 Views, 8 Votes ,1.62 Score
fitfreakydude 37 M
1  Article
Husband and Wife fight...   11/7/2005

A newly wed wife comes out of the shower when her hubby goes up to her, touches her chest and says "If you firm this up a bit you wouldn't need to keep using a bra." She was so hurt she didn't speak to him for a week. Then one day, while she gets out of the shower, the bone head husband goes behind her pats her tush and says "If you firm this up a bit, you wouldn't need to keep using a ...

0 Comments, 488 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score