My Ideal Person
Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as
he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already
asleep.
He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed
wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" Demanded
Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much
to
live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me
back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Brian was devasted, but
knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent
back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and
clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought
until
he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling
inside
like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Brian
"Well just relax and let it happen"
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him
and
his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the
first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was
overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best
thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he
felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife
shouting "Brian, wake up you drunken idiot, you're shitting the bed"