|
teacher 9/14/2009
A school teacher was having a problem with constapation,
but she told her class not to worry she would work it out with
a pencil.
3 Comments, 61 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
|
|
Too Young 4 ME 11/22/2008
How do you know when someone is too immature for you? I know
that age is SOMETIMES only a # but when the other person is
"acting" their age --- What do you do????? When they text you 20 times a day even when you don't
respond and even when you tell them to stop. When you haven't even been on a date, or kissed, or gotten
passed a hug and they are already "text stalking"!!
At this point age is no ...
2 Comments, 29 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
gringas 10/22/2008
There was a bus load of women two decks high going for a field
trip. The top side had the gringas and the bottom side had
the latinas. The latinas were haveing a great time down
the road laughing and singing. They were wandering what
was wrong with the huedas, so they went and checked on them
they were all pale with fear and their hands were clutching
the seats, they said it was horrible ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
dime 10/18/2008
A mexican put 50cents in the coke machine and they were selling
for 60 cents. The machine told him "dime" please
and the mexican whispered to the machine una coka.
0 Comments, 9 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Mexico viva la revolucion 4/3/2008
They found a cure for VD in Mexico, It is called no palito,
You can find this cacti in the deserts of sonora. Tasts real
good with scrabled eggs and red chilies.
0 Comments, 17 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
yankees 3/28/2008
Yankees developed a generic form of viagra. Don't
try this at home unless supervised by a ethno pharmacists.
One part asprin and two parts miracle grow.
0 Comments, 3 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Gulf 3/1/2008
When I go golfing I always bring 2 pairs of pants in case I
put a hole in one.
0 Comments, 4 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
|
!! KEEP DIGGING !! 2/26/2008
!! MOM, MOM, WHY DAD IS SO PALE?? SHUT UP , AND KEEP DIGGING !
0 Comments, 9 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
What does a baby and cake has in common? 2/13/2008
The baby and cake are made with eggs and milk.
0 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
cheeze 9/3/2007
Swiss like swiss cheese, Americans like american cheese,
Mexicans like che cheese.
0 Comments, 26 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
My Flight from Denver 7/7/2007
MY GIRL, I had a very pleasant dream last night... Enjoy this fantasy.
With the help of American Airlines Special Services Department
at Denver International Airport, I arranged for lotsa roses to be delivered to the
jet-bridge of my flight from Denver to LAX.
Before departing from Denver, I was escorted into the cockpit
by Special Services, Denver, and I asked the Captain to ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
|
|
The truth about men 7/6/2007
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the
washing machine?"
"It depends, " I replied. "What does
it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Michigan " And they say blondes are dumb... ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
stinker 7/3/2007
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
Something in the middle smells.
0 Comments, 15 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
The Handy Man 7/3/2007
The grumbling husband comes home from work. They wife meekly
says "Honey, the refrigerator is sounding funny,
could you take a look at it?" They husband replied
"What do I look like, the Matag man?"
Later than evening, the wife again meekly ask your husband
"Honey, the front porch needs some new boards, it's
about to fall I think. Could you please see if you can fix
it?" They husband ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
11 Votes
,6.16 Score
|
|
Got Gas 6/8/2007
Why is it everyone makes fun of a big bowl of refried beans,
and nobody says nothing about white milk?
1 Comments, 34 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
|
|
Meet You in Heaven 5/1/2007
After a long illness, a woman died and
arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for
Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were
her parents and all the other people she had loved and who
had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings
to her -- "Hello" "How are you! We've
been ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
|
|
What a Woman Wants in a Man 5/1/2007
What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age
22) ----------------------------------- 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover
What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32) ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
16 Votes
,6.36 Score
|
|
Mr. Right Rejection Form Letter 5/1/2007
Dear (____rejectee's name here____
),
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from
further contention as my Mr. Right.
As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly
tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as
yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however,
keep your name on file should an opening become available. ...
1 Comments, 42 Views,
9 Votes
,5.14 Score
|
|
Newlyweds... 4/29/2007
On the first morning of a honeymoon, a young husband got
up and took breakfast to his wife. “There, ” he said. “What
do you think of that?” She gazed at the coffee, bacon, eggs
and toast laid on the tray. “Wonderful, ” she said. “Yes, ”
he said, “and that’s how I want it every morning from now
on!”
1 Comments, 56 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
|
|
Marriage 4/29/2007
After being married for 20 years... One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed
in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up, " she purred, "and you can
do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway,
and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted
at the top of her lungs "Honey, pack your bags. I won ...
0 Comments, 71 Views,
17 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
Gender Items 4/29/2007
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but
you can always see right through them. SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears
useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time
just opening bottles. KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom
in pairs. SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its
tongue hanging out. COPIER - female, ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
little mouse 4/4/2007
This young black was sitting by the road playing with
a mouse and he was telling the mouse that this was not his
lucky day because he was going to cut his tail off.
A police officer saw the boy and told him what ever you do
to the mouse is going to happen to you too.
Then the boy started to sing a song to the mouse "little
mouse little mouse this is your lucky day I'm going
to kiss ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
|
|
esquela 3/12/2007
Their were some 5th graders being asked by their teacher
to use the word FASCINATE in a sentence. She asked a little blonde girl so She said, "We went
to disney land and I was so fascinated with the whale. The teacher said wrong answer. She then asked Carlito and he said he knew how to say it, My
sister has big sheshe's and she can only FASCINATE
buttons on her blouse. Carlos got in big ...
2 Comments, 190 Views,
20 Votes
|
|
Before and After 1/27/2007
Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating
Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month
Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac
Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football
Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start
Before - Is that all you're having?
...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
quo-vo 1/22/2007
who said mexicans are simple?
This old man from Texas wanted to make a garden in his back
yard, but he was getting to old for the task/.
He remembered His nefiew Vetho from the pinta
(prison) would always help him with chores.
He decided to write a letter to vetho, and asked him if he
could help
Vetho responded with do not dig up the back yard ...
1 Comments, 182 Views,
17 Votes
,1.29 Score
|
|
A Blonde's Year in Review 1/9/2007
[hopefully no one who is blonde takes this to heart!]
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too
tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
labels..... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit
in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle
in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped ...
3 Comments, 46 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
|
|
Word Play 1/7/2007
I'm sitting here fighting off a cold that hit me like
a Mack truck...and got this in an e-mail and I actually cracked
a grin! Enjoy.
VOCABULARY SPIN
For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity....
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the
sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
...
2 Comments, 55 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
|
|
See How They Mock My Profession: Disorder in the Court 1/1/2007
I've heard really weird things, and not just out of
the witnesses; you can believe the lawyers have been equally
ridiculous! Start the New Year with an ability to "laugh
at yourself" and nothing will get to you!
Velma
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,
and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
down and now
...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Abbott & Costello and the Computer 12/31/2006
It's New Year's Eve - let's start the new year
with laughter and keep on laughing throughout! It's
good medicine. Happy New Year everyone.
If Abbott and Costello were alive today, You have to be old
enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY
understand computers, to fully appreciate this.? For
those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers,
please ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
liver 12/2/2006
The teacher asked the class to make a sentence using LIVER
and CHEESE
The little white girl said I made a sandwich with liver and
cheese and it was delicious."
The little black girl said: My daddy told my mom to get some
government cheese and she forgot, so daddy punched her
in the liver.
The mexican boy said, These men were going to violate her
sister and ...
1 Comments, 41 Views,
8 Votes
,1.39 Score
|
