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rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
teacher   9/14/2009

A school teacher was having a problem with constapation, but she told her class not to worry she would work it out with a pencil.


3 Comments, 61 Views, 9 Votes ,5.14 Score
mendivil1973 48 M
6  Articles
Stuttering   7/27/2009

A teacher is explaining biogy to her 1st grade studets.

"Human beings are the only animalsthat stutter" She says.

A little girl raises her hand.

" I had a kitty-cat who stuttered" she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precios some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the inciden.

"well" she began , "I was in the back yard ...


1 Comments, 33 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Rebecca2323 48 F
1  Article
Too Young 4 ME   11/22/2008

How do you know when someone is too immature for you? I know that age is SOMETIMES only a # but when the other person is "acting" their age --- What do you do????? When they text you 20 times a day even when you don't respond and even when you tell them to stop. When you haven't even been on a date, or kissed, or gotten passed a hug and they are already "text stalking"!! At this point age is no ...


2 Comments, 29 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
gringas   10/22/2008

There was a bus load of women two decks high going for a field trip. The top side had the gringas and the bottom side had the latinas. The latinas were haveing a great time down the road laughing and singing. They were wandering what was wrong with the huedas, so they went and checked on them they were all pale with fear and their hands were clutching the seats, they said it was horrible ...


0 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
dime   10/18/2008

A mexican put 50cents in the coke machine and they were selling for 60 cents. The machine told him "dime" please and the mexican whispered to the machine una coka.


0 Comments, 9 Views, 0 Votes
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
Mexico viva la revolucion   4/3/2008

They found a cure for VD in Mexico, It is called no palito, You can find this cacti in the deserts of sonora. Tasts real good with scrabled eggs and red chilies.


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
yankees   3/28/2008

Yankees developed a generic form of viagra. Don't try this at home unless supervised by a ethno pharmacists.

One part asprin and two parts miracle grow.


0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
Gulf   3/1/2008

When I go golfing I always bring 2 pairs of pants in case I put a hole in one.


0 Comments, 4 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
condoritopr2 73 M
2  Articles
!! KEEP DIGGING !!   2/26/2008

!! MOM, MOM, WHY DAD IS SO PALE?? SHUT UP , AND KEEP DIGGING !


0 Comments, 9 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
lopld05 42 F
1  Article
What does a baby and cake has in common?   2/13/2008

The baby and cake are made with eggs and milk.


0 Comments, 18 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
cheeze   9/3/2007

Swiss like swiss cheese, Americans like american cheese, Mexicans like che cheese.


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
biugmichael 67 M
1  Article
My Flight from Denver   7/7/2007

MY GIRL, I had a very pleasant dream last night... Enjoy this fantasy.

With the help of American Airlines Special Services Department at Denver International Airport, I arranged for lotsa roses to be delivered to the jet-bridge of my flight from Denver to LAX.

Before departing from Denver, I was escorted into the cockpit by Special Services, Denver, and I asked the Captain to ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
sinnerandsaint23 63 F
4  Articles
The truth about men   7/6/2007

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"



"It depends, " I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Michigan " And they say blondes are dumb... ...


0 Comments, 35 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
stinker   7/3/2007

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

Something in the middle smells.


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
sinnerandsaint23 63 F
4  Articles
The Handy Man   7/3/2007

The grumbling husband comes home from work. They wife meekly says "Honey, the refrigerator is sounding funny, could you take a look at it?" They husband replied "What do I look like, the Matag man?"

Later than evening, the wife again meekly ask your husband "Honey, the front porch needs some new boards, it's about to fall I think. Could you please see if you can fix it?" They husband ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 11 Votes ,6.16 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
Got Gas   6/8/2007

Why is it everyone makes fun of a big bowl of refried beans, and nobody says nothing about white milk?


1 Comments, 34 Views, 9 Votes ,5.14 Score
Dutch07 50 M
7  Articles
Meet You in Heaven   5/1/2007

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her -- "Hello" "How are you! We've been ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
Dutch07 50 M
7  Articles
What a Woman Wants in a Man   5/1/2007

What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22) ----------------------------------- 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32) ...



1 Comments, 75 Views, 16 Votes ,6.36 Score
Dutch07 50 M
7  Articles
Mr. Right Rejection Form Letter   5/1/2007

Dear (____rejectee's name here____ ),

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as my Mr. Right.

As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. ...



1 Comments, 42 Views, 9 Votes ,5.14 Score
Patty6360 65 F
7  Articles
Newlyweds...   4/29/2007

On the first morning of a honeymoon, a young husband got up and took breakfast to his wife. “There, ” he said. “What do you think of that?” She gazed at the coffee, bacon, eggs and toast laid on the tray. “Wonderful, ” she said. “Yes, ” he said, “and that’s how I want it every morning from now on!”


1 Comments, 56 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
Patty6360 65 F
7  Articles
Marriage   4/29/2007

After being married for 20 years... One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up, " she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs "Honey, pack your bags. I won ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 17 Votes ,5.39 Score
Patty6360 65 F
7  Articles
Gender Items   4/29/2007

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them. SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles. KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out. COPIER - female, ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
little mouse   4/4/2007

This young black was sitting by the road playing with a mouse and he was telling the mouse that this was not his lucky day because he was going to cut his tail off.
A police officer saw the boy and told him what ever you do to the mouse is going to happen to you too.
Then the boy started to sing a song to the mouse "little mouse little mouse this is your lucky day I'm going to kiss ...


0 Comments, 33 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
esquela   3/12/2007

Their were some 5th graders being asked by their teacher to use the word FASCINATE in a sentence. She asked a little blonde girl so She said, "We went to disney land and I was so fascinated with the whale. The teacher said wrong answer. She then asked Carlito and he said he knew how to say it, My sister has big sheshe's and she can only FASCINATE buttons on her blouse. Carlos got in big ...


2 Comments, 190 Views, 20 Votes
Grace5766 112 F
26  Articles
Before and After   1/27/2007

Before - You take my breath away After - I feel like I'm suffocating Before - Twice a night After - Twice a month Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac Before - Saturday Night Fever After - Monday Night Football Before - Don't stop After - Don't start Before - Is that all you're having? ...


0 Comments, 21 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
quo-vo   1/22/2007

who said mexicans are simple?
This old man from Texas wanted to make a garden in his back yard, but he was getting to old for the task/.
He remembered His nefiew Vetho from the pinta (prison) would always help him with chores.
He decided to write a letter to vetho, and asked him if he could help
Vetho responded with do not dig up the back yard ...


1 Comments, 182 Views, 17 Votes ,1.29 Score
Grace5766 112 F
26  Articles
A Blonde's Year in Review   1/9/2007

[hopefully no one who is blonde takes this to heart!]
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped ...


3 Comments, 46 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
Grace5766 112 F
26  Articles
Word Play   1/7/2007

I'm sitting here fighting off a cold that hit me like a Mack truck...and got this in an e-mail and I actually cracked a grin! Enjoy.
VOCABULARY SPIN
For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity....

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
...


2 Comments, 55 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
Grace5766 112 F
26  Articles
See How They Mock My Profession: Disorder in the Court   1/1/2007

I've heard really weird things, and not just out of the witnesses; you can believe the lawyers have been equally ridiculous! Start the New Year with an ability to "laugh at yourself" and nothing will get to you!
Velma
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Grace5766 112 F
26  Articles
Abbott & Costello and the Computer   12/31/2006

It's New Year's Eve - let's start the new year with laughter and keep on laughing throughout! It's good medicine. Happy New Year everyone.
If Abbott and Costello were alive today, You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this.? For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
liver   12/2/2006

The teacher asked the class to make a sentence using LIVER and CHEESE
The little white girl said I made a sandwich with liver and cheese and it was delicious."
The little black girl said: My daddy told my mom to get some government cheese and she forgot, so daddy punched her in the liver.
The mexican boy said, These men were going to violate her sister and ...


1 Comments, 41 Views, 8 Votes ,1.39 Score
Grace5766 112 F
26  Articles
Pearls of Wisdom (or Not?)   11/11/2006

Groucho Marx: Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes, " you know he is a crook.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
My mother loved - she would have given anything ...



0 Comments, 30 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
Grace5766 112 F
26  Articles
How Many Windows Do You Have Open   11/10/2006

This 86 year old man (we'll call him Sam) got himself a computer. Sam was a widower and since his wife died had been spending a lot of his pension money on long distance calls to his who lived all over the world so he thought a computer would do the trick and save him some money.
Several months go by and over the course of time he's called every one of his , each several times, ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
Grace5766 112 F
26  Articles
Computers - Male or Female - "Le" o "La"?   10/12/2006

The French (or Spanish) Lesson A language teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, nouns unlike their English counterparts are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. For example: "House" in French, is feminine as "la maison." "Pencil" in French, is masculine as "le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender ...



4 Comments, 92 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
Grace5766 112 F
26  Articles
Things We Can Learn From Dogs   10/8/2006

1. never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride
2. allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy
3. when loved ones come home, always run to greet them
4. when it's in your best interest, practise obedience
...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
nuns   10/6/2006

These two nuns were walking to the convent when they noticed a man following them, Sister logic said let us run fast so He can't catch us. But it ended up that the man was still ganing on them. Then sister mathematics said lets seperate and then he will only be able to catch one of us. So that is what they did and the man went after sister logic. At the end of the day they both made it to ...


1 Comments, 91 Views, 12 Votes ,2.62 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
don't like   10/6/2006

A man was walking along this steep cliff, when he slipped and started falling down the hill. He yelled oh God oh God. And suddenly this little bush caught his fall, but then the bush started coming out by the roots and then he asked God why me God Why me. I pay my taxes I take care of my wife and ! There was a big cloud and a voice emenating from it that said there is some thing about you ...


1 Comments, 23 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
hotpeppers58 65 M
13  Articles
Marriage fact's   8/25/2006

Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an ...


1 Comments, 52 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
hotpeppers58 65 M
13  Articles
WHY !!!   8/25/2006

These are cute enjoy.

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on"insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue ...


2 Comments, 62 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
hotpeppers58 65 M
13  Articles
A Father's Terror   8/25/2006

Dear Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down... Okay? ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
studerer   8/16/2006

This professor was talking to his students and told them that man is the only animal that studers their is none other. A 7 year old girl told him she saw this cat studer one time. She saw this cat jump across the neighbors fence and the cat said, FFFFFFFFF, fffffff, PHhffffffff, but it was to late by the time the cat said freeaking dog, the pit bull ate him.


0 Comments, 49 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
SirBri 59 M
10  Articles
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?   8/5/2006

Hold onto you nuts this is no ordinary blow job.


0 Comments, 51 Views, 2 Votes
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Adios Wife!   5/28/2006

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
...


0 Comments, 47 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
unasonrisita 56 F
11  Articles
El primer beso   5/27/2006

(Este poema NO es original. Lo vi en una placa hace mas de 2 decadas y aqui lo comparto con ustedes)
Recuerdo el dia Recuerdo el lugar Recuerdo la emocion que senti Al verte junto a mi Pero hay algo que no recuerdo bien.... ?tu cerraste los ojos tambien?...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Calling for help   5/12/2006

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
A JOKE A DAY WILL KEEP YOU HAPPY & GAY!   5/7/2006

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Watch Out if You Go Camping   4/11/2006

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, ...


0 Comments, 241 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Who is the Man In the Photograph?   4/6/2006

After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of a good looking man.
The guy began to worry and asked, "Is this your husband?"

"No, silly, " she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?"

"No, not at all, " she said, nibbling away at his ear.
...


0 Comments, 260 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Mom... Which One Will I Marry ?   3/29/2006

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees. So the next day, he brings three beautiful women to the home and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, ...


0 Comments, 252 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Old Lady Loves Oranges   3/27/2006

Lulu was a . One day there was a raid and took all the prostitutes to the police station. They were lined up outside the station and took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and she was so ashamed; Grandma didn't know her occupation. Grandma stopped to said, “Hi Lulu. What are you standing in line for?
Lulu, ...


0 Comments, 393 Views, 10 Votes ,2.39 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
You Just Might Get What You Wish For   3/24/2006

by Denverhigh
A man walks into a bowling center with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and says to the deskman, “I’ll have a pair of lanes, three games for me and size ten shoes, ” and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same but I have my own special shoes, ” says the ostrich.
They ...


0 Comments, 150 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Yes, Doctor. I Know what you're Doing.   3/21/2006

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately tells her to undress. After she has disrobed, he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes, " she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological ...


4 Comments, 1250 Views, 105 Votes ,6.43 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Life Cycle is backwards!   3/19/2006

I think the life cycle is all backwards . . . You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way.
You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy. Collect your pension and Social Security. When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
papa_chubby 55 M
29  Articles
True Story   3/18/2006

Back just before the first Gulf war of 1990. I was on a track vehicle with another soldier. We'd known each other for a few years and knew each others girlfriends. Both of us had turbulant relationships. So, one night before the war was to have ensued he looked at me with great sadness in his eye's and said, "If I don't make it out of here, tell my girl... I was rich".


0 Comments, 156 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
papa_chubby 55 M
29  Articles
Worst nightmare...   3/15/2006

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-five-year-old woman."
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.
Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love. At ...


0 Comments, 133 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
papa_chubby 55 M
29  Articles
My Kitchen   3/15/2006

One Tuesday evening, two confirmed bachelors were talking when the conversation eventually drifted from sports to politics, and then on to cooking.
The first guy said, "I got a cookbook once, but I could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy stuff in it, eh?" asked the other bachelor.
"You said it." the first guy replied. "Every one of those recipes began the ...


0 Comments, 128 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
papa_chubby 55 M
29  Articles
Drum Roll Please!   3/15/2006

Q: What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? A: The man.
Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis? A: So they can think with an open mind.
Q: What can Life Savers do that man can't? A: Come in five flavors.
Q: How is a penis like fishing? A: The small ones you throw back, the medium ones you eat, and the larger ones you mount.
Q: ...


0 Comments, 131 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Papa and Denver Shoot Moose!   3/14/2006

Papa_Chubby and Denver High went on a shooting trip. Both being very competitive they were determine to outperform the other by shooting a larger moose. After shooting many moose each, it was impossible to tell who had shot the biggest one.
They went to the point where they were to be picked up. The pilot of the helicopter told them to hop in. They cleared the mountains without ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes
papa_chubby 55 M
29  Articles
Papa_Chubby and Denver High   3/14/2006

Papa_Chubby and Denver High went on a hunting trip. Both being very competitive they were determine to outperform the other on getting a larger kill of moose. After having each bagged a sizeable kill, it was impossible to tell who had the bigger kill based on antler size or weight. They went to the rendezvous point where they were to be picked up.
The pilot of thier plane on ...


2 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
papa_chubby 55 M
29  Articles
Its all about the numbers...   3/14/2006

Financial analyst always compare thier findings to someother criteria, past earnings, earning of competitors to make a decision about where a company is compared to its past and its competitors. They are so consumed with this practice that if you ask an analyst how his wife is, he may reply "compared to what"?!


0 Comments, 43 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
papa_chubby 55 M
29  Articles
Mistaken Identity   3/14/2006

A drunk returning home, see's a nun hurrying down the street and knocks her down. He then yells "you don't feel so tough now, do you Batman"!


0 Comments, 43 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
The Perfect Couple!   3/13/2006

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to ...


0 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
A blonde going slow   3/13/2006

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it.
"Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"
"Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 40, not 65."
"Oh miss, 40 is not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"
"Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."
At this ...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Are the lights on? Blondie?   3/13/2006

A brunette is driving down the highway in a convertible with a blonde passenger. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she says to the blonde, "Look behind and see if that's a cop car behind us?"
The blonde looks behind her and says, "Yes that is a cop car behind us."
The brunette then says, "Does he have his red lights on?"
The blond replies, "Yes..."
...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
New Rule to get Into Heaven   3/12/2006

New Law to Enter Heaven:
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy.
The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. The next day at 12:01am, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Sex or Golf?   3/11/2006

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and said to his lover, “Take my shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt real good.”
She came back with them real dirty. He put them on and drove home.
...


0 Comments, 146 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Cinco centavos for a Steak?   3/11/2006

A man walked into a restaurant, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Here you are, Senor. That'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel, " the barman replied.
"Cinco centavos?" exclaimed the man. "Very good, I'll have a medium rare steak and a bottle of ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Wife cooks Huevos Rancheros   2/23/2006

A wife was making a breakfast of Huevos Ranchero for her husband. <br> Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. <br> "Careful Querida, " he said, "Careful put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. Too many!” <br> The wife just looked at him. <br> “Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Latino Cookies.   2/21/2006

Latino Cookies. <br> 251 Words <br> For all the Latinos out there or those who are lucky enough to be married to a Latino, or even to be friends of Latinos. This is for you, Amigos. . . . Enjoy. <br> = = = = = = = = = = = <br> An elderly Latino man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
papa_chubby 55 M
29  Articles
The State's Dichotomy   2/18/2006

The State is conflicted. It doesn't want to be a n exectutioner, but has no problem being a gay dungeon master. <br> Emo Phillips


2 Comments, 165 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Is Your Head Empty? 85 Words   2/12/2006

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clear to the little students she said, <br> "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and It would turn my face red." <br> "Yes, " the class said. <br> "Can anyone tell me why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
DomCouple010 56 F
3  Articles
Dont leave home without it   2/9/2006

Make sure you have money to catch a ride home, and pay for the meal..if you had a person do u this way you would tell others to be ware!!!


3 Comments, 181 Views, 6 Votes
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Why Does Your Hair Turn White.... 87 Words   2/9/2006

Posted by 2/9/06 <br> DenverColorado <br> Un dia una muchachita was sitting, watching her mama do the dishes at the kitchen sink. <br> She noticed that her mama had several strands of white hair sticking out of her black hair. <br> She asked, "Mama. Why are some of your hairs white?" <br> Her mama replied, "Well, every time that you do ...


0 Comments, 124 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
What Does God Look Like?. . . . . . . 78 Words   2/7/2006

78 Words posted by DenverColorado <br> A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of . They were drawing and she would occasionally walk around to see each 's work. <br> As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked, “What is the drawing about.” <br> The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." <br> The ...


0 Comments, 277 Views, 20 Votes ,2.61 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Was Jonah swallowed by a whale.... 109 Words   2/7/2006

by Denverhigh <br> A little girl said, "Yes, Senora Molina, Jonah was swlloed by a whale and later he got out. <br> The teacher said, “It is physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat is very small.” <br> The little girl said, “Jonah was swallowed by a whale my Catholic ...


0 Comments, 185 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Denverhigh 86 M
38  Articles
Cop Writes a Ticket.... 207 Words   2/6/2006

Cop Writes a Ticket by Denverhigh 207 Words <br> I went to La Bufa, my favorite Mexican restaurant in Santa Rosa, on fourth street for lunch the other day. I was only in there for thirty five minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket because of a expired meter. <br> I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a ...


0 Comments, 297 Views, 4 Votes ,0.92 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
liver and cheese   1/11/2006

School teacher asked the class if any one could make a sentence with liver and cheese. They asked Brenda, so she said, "My mother made some sandwiches with liver and cheese." Then they ask Marcos and he said he give it a try. He said, "Liver alone cheese mine.


1 Comments, 413 Views, 6 Votes ,0.80 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
smoking   1/2/2006

Does smoking cause cancer or it is a dillusion of grandeur. Most habitual smokers agree you will live up to 90 years of age like their grandparents


1 Comments, 202 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
Old man   12/11/2005

This old man from Florida was having intimate problems with his wife. He went to the doctor and bought some viagra. He went home to see his wife and took his pills, but they got stuck in his throat. He got a stiff neck for 2 weeks.


0 Comments, 163 Views, 13 Votes ,1.47 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
blondy   12/4/2005

Why do blondes like BMW cars? Because it is the easiest one to spell.


2 Comments, 283 Views, 10 Votes ,1.39 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
loan   11/25/2005

If you loan a friend $10 and you never see him again. It was well worth it.


1 Comments, 389 Views, 16 Votes
Mypurrogative 71 F
3  Articles
Who wants a raise?   11/16/2005

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: 1. I do physical labor. 2. I work at great depths. 3. I plunge head first into everything I do. 4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. 5. I work in a damp environment. 6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation. 7. I work in high temperatures. 8. My work exposes me to ...


1 Comments, 321 Views, 23 Votes ,5.70 Score
letsplayin20055 59 M
3  Articles
Blonde Jokes   11/9/2005

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.


1 Comments, 2025 Views, 15 Votes ,1.14 Score
letsplayin20055 59 M
3  Articles
Accountant   11/3/2005

A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary." <br> When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you ...


0 Comments, 453 Views, 11 Votes ,4.85 Score
letsplayin20055 59 M
3  Articles
Pharmacist   11/3/2005

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy ...


0 Comments, 788 Views, 50 Votes ,6.71 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
Old hillbilly   10/13/2005

A old Kentucky hillbilly once said, "Water is always deeper where it still."


0 Comments, 666 Views, 14 Votes
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
Irish lepercon   10/9/2005

A lepercon once said, "You get freckles when you lie alot, and get scars when you lie to your mother".


0 Comments, 241 Views, 7 Votes ,0.75 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
gentlemen and shivilry   9/25/2005

This young man was rolling down the highway, when he saw a young damzel in distress.She was parked on the shoulder waiting for help. The young man pulled over and saw that she needed her tire replaced with the spare. She asked him if he could help. He agreed as any gentleman would, so he changed the flat tire. Just as he was finishing letting the car down she asked him to be gentle ...


0 Comments, 401 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
8455 49 M
15  Articles
If I Can Make You Smile Then I Got You   9/16/2005

Humor is one of the most important things in a relationship. The man or woman usually has more fun with the person who has a sense of humor, rather then a body of steel. Have you ever found yourself attracted to someone who just doesn't fit your profile. You begin to ask yourself why. The answer to that shouldn't be money or what he or she can do for me, it should be because of the way he ...


2 Comments, 2652 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
mushroom   8/14/2005

School teacher in the 6th grade asked her students to make a sentence using the word mushroom The littlea blonde girl said I can do it. Then she said, We put mushroom in our salad for lunch. The teacher asked the little mexican boy and he said he would give it a try. My dad said we could not have anyone sleeping over because we do not have mushroom.


0 Comments, 278 Views, 11 Votes ,0.18 Score
jcd76 47 M
1  Article
screw.....   8/13/2005

Back when rock n roll was the thing, guys wore blue jeans and leather jackets and girls wore skirts with puddles on them. Jimmy went to pick up his Date at her house.... and the Father open the door, "well Hello there, you must be jimmy", He said. "she will be down in a couple of minutes..."; "ok thanks" jimmy said, "my loves to screw, he screws all night.....I hope you like to screw ...


0 Comments, 42 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Mypurrogative 71 F
3  Articles
IMMIGRATION   8/9/2005

Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally through Immigration. The >Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one >more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter the United States of >America. > >Mujibar said, "I am ready." > >The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Green, Pink and Yellow." > >Mujibar ...


0 Comments, 384 Views, 12 Votes ,4.74 Score
Mypurrogative 71 F
3  Articles
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:   8/9/2005

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: " Two Prostitutes -- $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. <br> Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES" <br> One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you don't ...


0 Comments, 335 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
windflower 39 F
3  Articles
CLEVER ADVICES   8/7/2005

DON'T... ...do everything today. Save some mistakes for tomorrow. ...itch all over. Learn to itch where you can scratch. <br> NEVER... ...put off untill tomorrow what you can't shove onto someone else's desk. ...try to make people feel at home. If they wanted that, they'd have stayed there. THE BEST WAY TO... ...change a woman's mind is ...


4 Comments, 490 Views, 24 Votes ,5.52 Score
windflower 39 F
3  Articles
The use of foreign language   8/6/2005

Little mouse: -Mammy, Who's saying something that i don't understand at all? Mother mouse: -Silent! It's our enemy. Don't go out of our house. That dirty cat is threatening us. Little mouse: -How do you understand what he said? Mother mouse: -It's the best example for the use of learning foreign language.


0 Comments, 172 Views, 6 Votes
rollwflo 63 M
30  Articles
golf   7/10/2005

A lady and her caddy were playing golf. The lady made a comment that she got bit by a bee. The caddy replied, where did you get bit. The lady responded that somewhere between the first hole and the second hole. The caddy looked down in deep thought, hmmmm I know why, first of all your stance is to wide.


0 Comments, 331 Views, 0 Votes
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Will   1/26/2005

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.


0 Comments, 68 Views, 6 Votes ,0.23 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
couple   1/20/2005

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.


1 Comments, 124 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
As   1/20/2005

As deep as the ocean; As the wide as the sea; Please brush and floss And give love to me.


0 Comments, 56 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
A Guy's Job   1/20/2005

A guy sticks his location, In a girl's destinstion, To increase the population, For the next generation. Do you get my explanation? Or do you need a demonstration? <br> E.U


0 Comments, 65 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Luv Ya Darling   1/20/2005

Of course I luv ya darling You're a bloody top notch bird And when I say yur gorgeous I mean every single word <br> So ya bum is on the big side I don't mind a bit of flab It means that when I'm ready There's somethin' there to grab <br> So your belly isn't flat no more I tell ya, I don't care So long as when I cuddle ya I get my arms around there


0 Comments, 58 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
the truth   1/20/2005

I'm tellin' ya the truth now I never tell ya lies I think its very sexy That you've got "dimples" on ya thighs <br> I swear on my nana's grave now The moment that we met I thought u was as good as I Was ever gonna get <br> No matter wot u look like I'll always love ya dear Now shut up while the footy's on And get me another beer!


0 Comments, 49 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Only You!   1/20/2005

You turn me on, you handsome hunk With your sunken, hairless chest In your skinny white arms I feel safe from all harm Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! <br> Your beard is long and full of crumbs From all the fast food there you've dropped And with your big sloppy kiss, I know the meaning of bliss Oh stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!


1 Comments, 136 Views, 8 Votes ,1.62 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Embarrassing moments!!   1/18/2005

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.


0 Comments, 104 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Embarrassing moments #2   1/18/2005

Have you ever asked your a question too many times? My three-year-old had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old , and she was clean. <br> ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Embarrassing moment # 3   1/18/2005

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my decided to release some pent-up energy and run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Fleeing   1/18/2005

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy, " he said. "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife. "I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby."


0 Comments, 294 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Warehouse   1/18/2005

These two guys go to a whorehouse. The first guy goes in then comes out and says, "My wife is better." The second guy goes in then comes out and says, "You know what? Your wife IS better."


0 Comments, 267 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
"Men"   1/18/2005

MENtal anxiety MENtal breakdown MENstrual cramps MENopause...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
P.E.A   1/18/2005

A guy who suffered from premature ejaculation, decided to call P.E.A (premature ejaculators anonymous)and booked an appointment, when there he noticed that he was the only one in the room surrounded by empty chairs he thought; 'looks like I came too soon'.


0 Comments, 114 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Country fair   1/13/2005

A man took his wife to the county fair and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and noticed a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year." They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull ...


0 Comments, 211 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Variations of 69   1/2/2005

There is a 96, that’s when you have a fight. <br> There is a 68, that's when you do me and I owe you one. <br> A 77 is a lesbian act. Because it is like a 69, but you get eight (ate) twice. <br> A 70 is a 69 for gay men because there is an extra unit involved. <br> 6.9 is a good thing interrupted by a period. <br> Qo you know ...


0 Comments, 274 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Looking   12/23/2004

A woman posted an ad in a newspaper saying , ’looking for a husband’. Next day she received hundreds of replyies all sayng the same thing, ‘ You can have mine’.


0 Comments, 365 Views, 15 Votes ,4.82 Score
sleekly 43 F
56  Articles
Invitation to Dinner   12/15/2004

"Honey, " said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting ...


0 Comments, 317 Views, 24 Votes ,4.27 Score
OsoelPoeta 70 M
3  Articles
If you are male...   11/16/2004

It's the age of younger, fitter men...(damn it!) <br> If you are male, and you've finally passed the final blushes of adolescence, at oh, say, fifty or so, you've learned that experience is worth more than its weight in returnable beer cans, not to mention gold or silver. The blonde wisp on the back of some guy's ride is usually the high maintenance eye-candy she looks like. After ...


0 Comments, 192 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
mikefern 68 M
6  Articles
Find some real Jewelry ha, ha, ha   5/10/2004

A woman goes to the doctor's office. <br> "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your opinion on." <br> "Could you describe the symptoms to me?" he asked. <br> "Well, it's easier if I show you, " she said and, standing up, proceeded to undress. When she was down to her underwear she sat on the edge of the examining table and spread her legs to ...


0 Comments, 136 Views, 79 Votes ,6.36 Score
mikefern 68 M
6  Articles
Being a gentelman can get you in troblem tooooooooo   5/10/2004

In England from an actual trial: <br> A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. <br> She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested. <br> When ...


0 Comments, 127 Views, 121 Votes ,7.92 Score
mikefern 68 M
6  Articles
relationship with daily life   5/10/2004

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a damn cop writing out a parking ticket. <br> So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a gal a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-dicked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 31 Votes ,4.58 Score
mikefern 68 M
6  Articles
Marketing and relationships   5/10/2004

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." <br> Well, here it is: You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a ...


0 Comments, 397 Views, 105 Votes ,7.37 Score
Adriana1423 42 F
1  Article
Me enamore de El selo digo?   7/22/2001

Mi problema es el siguiente en el 99 mi aniga me presento a su novi en ese entonses solo esabes lo vi ella lo dejo por otro pero quedaron como amigos ella y yo nos ablamos cada 1bes cada 2meses el caso es que ase 3 meses (2001) me ablo y el esta en la linia y lo salude estabamos platicando los 3 pero ella tubo que cogar so nos quedamos el y yo en la lina alcabo del tiempo el siguio ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 25 Votes ,0.37 Score
hoor 40 M
1  Article
Que malooo...   4/23/2001

Quieren saber un mal chiste que le alegre el día. Que hizo una bala durante 4 horas en la cabeza de una mujer tratando de encontrar el cerebro... Otro, en que se parecen los hombres a los teléfonos públicos, es que hay dos tipos, los buenos están ocupados y los otros no sirven...


0 Comments, 46 Views, 16 Votes ,0.04 Score
locuaz10 46 F
1  Article
Chiste de pastuzos   4/14/2001

<br> Como se le pone en duda a un pastuzo <br> No NO lo saben, se dan, <br> Mañana se los digo <br> Espero que este chiste no sea muy común y si lo es pues disculpenpor volverlo a escribir, tengan en cuenta que los chistes repetitivos casi en todos los lugares.


0 Comments, 19 Views, 13 Votes
Omarsan 50 M
1  Article
De patito   2/9/2001

Esta Luchito en la cuna del hospital y le ponen a una niña en la cuna de al lado, ni tonto ni perezoso, Luchito le hace propuestas indecorosas.. Despues de muchas negativas y a muchas insistencias, labebita acepta pero le hace una advertencia: -Tiene que ser de patito... <br> Luchito que es muy avezado, comienza un sinfin de posiciones, a cada cual la ñina advierte ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 67 Votes
Evaluna5 61 F
1  Article
Admirador sorpresa.   9/13/2000

Cuando tenia 22 anos me sucedio algo fuera de lo comun. Al ir de regreso a mi casa en el autobus, me encontre a unas amigas que no veia desde hacia tiempo y al final de la conversacion me pidieron mi numero telefonico el cual les di sin pensar que alguien mas lo habia anotado. Despues de unos dias empece a recibir una serie de llamadas que aun recuerdo. Esto sucedio por el lapso de un ...


0 Comments, 122 Views, 7 Votes ,2.28 Score